15 March 2019
Sorry for the lateness of this review, but I completely forgot Most Haunted was on, and only realised when I logged onto Twitter to share a story about a Fortune Teller being sent to jail, and saw someone tweeting about the upcoming fake fest on REALLY.
So let's get to business quickly since this is the last of the series.
"Yvette Fielding and her team of reprobates continue the investigation into Guys Cliffe House. With something seemingly stalking the crew, the night ends with a vigorous spirit in a very small room."
As always on this multi part episodes, we start off with highlights, and end up with the cliffhanger from last week.
A scaffold pole has fallen OFF CAMERA.
Karl is pretending it is really dark and cant see anything, despite the fact the image is crystal clear proving that there is plenty of light coming from the camera itself.
Since it happened OFF CAMERA, we have no way of knowing if it was simply kicked by Karl, or pulled with wire etc. After the noise there is enough camera shake and commotion that leaves the viewer unable to genuinely understand how far or close they were.
Some more noises, another pole thrown. OFF CAMERA.
By only using one camera, which is always conveniently filming the wrong way, they can do whatever they like and the idiot Most Haunted fans will believe it.
One for the ladies! Stuart's fat arse.
I remember the days when we had nice shots of Mel Crump's behind, now we get Stuart, and they wonder why the ratings are so low.
They climb out of the cellar, and now they can hear footsteps which could be either Karl or Stuart just making the noise.
"It's evil and powerful" - Stuart Toreville.
Back with Yvette, and we hear a "breath" and we get endless replays.
We then hear a weird noise and again endless replays.
I suspect Fred for both.
Worth noting that you can also clearly hear birds outside.
Ok an important note here, at roughly 13 minutes Yvette clearly states "with morning light soon approaching..." So depending when this was filmed, you would assume that this would indicate a time of early morning, so let's say 3am at the earliest, but could be later. Just keep that in mind for later.
The teams split and Yvette sets up for a seance. Now any time they use a static camera you know to always be suspicious.
Notice the clock above the table.
Does that look like early morning to you? I wonder if we can get a shot of Karl's watch to confirm the time?
They carry on the seance and claim they can hear people talking.
They hear some creaking, Karl claims it's probably his chair despite the fact he is not moving. I wonder if someone else in the room OFF CAMERA is moving about.
Beardy looks out the window, Yvette claims she can feel the table moving. Are you getting suspicious yet? They lied about the time, they have a static camera, you cant see under the table. I wonder what will happen?
Suddenly the table starts to levitate! YES REALLY.
The table is lifted in the air, but it is not by Yvette, Karl or Beardy, the chair closest to the camera, of which you can just see the top of remains still.
How are they doing this?
It keeps moving.
Beardy says they should get another camera to film under the table, Karl quickly shuts him down and says "there needs to be some trust at this point".
The table twists quite far round, so they tell the ghost they will move it back. They then all laugh because the table is heavy and hard to move. They move it and then they screw up.
At 20m00s if you watch on the UKTV website for the time frame, they move the table back, but the chair by the front of the camera moves on its own, almost as if someone hidden under the table is readjusting their position. Whoops.
The shot then ends and they cross to someone else.
Ok, so let's analyse the whole segment, we started with the camera in a static position, at no point could you see under the table, and a chair moved by itself near the camera, and they did not react to it.
This was clearly missed in the edit, or they hoped you would not notice it.
How did they do this? Easy, Stuart is under the table on all fours, he is using his back to lift the table, the table moves exactly as you would expect it to if being lifted that way. This is blatant fakery.
The first thing any real investigator would do the moment a table started moving would be to film under the table, this could be done with any of their smartphones, but instead we have to "trust" them.
We cut back to Yvette and they now are filming under the table since Stuart has clearly moved now.
As the camera is now on the floor, we cant see their hands, and the table starts to move, no where near as much as before, just a bit.
They put the camera on the table, and ask the ghosts to move it. The camera starts to shake and move.
It is literally just Stuart standing there shaking it. Again they have no second camera, so we just have to take their word.
We then get a recorded piece of footage of Stuart elsewhere apparently on his own, just so the viewer doesn't suspect him as moving the table and camera.
If there is just one person watching this who thinks this is all legit then I despair.
We get a clear shot of the clock that says 11pm.
Remember the lie Yvette told earlier about the time!
But maybe the clock on the wall is wrong, it's possible I guess.
Oh wait we have Karl's watch clearly in view.
Flipped around and it shows 11pm.
Look I know this isn't much, but it does show that they lie about the time, this is something I moan about week in week out, that things are filmed out of order, people aren't where they are when they say they are. These are not "all night" investigations like they want to you think.
They turn up at a location, they have a few drinks, something to eat, they film for a maximum of 3 hours, then they go home. That's it.
And in those 3 hours, they get all this activity.
Yet any ghost hunter will tell you they might sit for hour after hour and nothing ever happens.
Most Haunted is faked.
We get the obligatory split screen, despite the fact they only have 2 cameras, we are led to believe that these shots are all happening at the same time.
Karl picks up the camera, and the table starts moving again, clearly he is just pulling it with his spare hand.
We get some footage from Stuart, he is walking about, hearing the odd noise from things being thrown OFF CAMERA.
Back with the table, and ask yourself why does Karl stay so close to them to film. He moves back to get the whole table in shot, but again he doesn't film under the table, as obviously Stuart is under the far corner. They edit the footage which allows them to put Stuart in position, remove him and so on.
They stand up, position the camera to make sure it is not filming under the table of course.
They are trying to prove none of them are lifting it, but no one thinks they were, it is obviously someone underneath.
This is all getting silly now.
We get a quick shot of Fred summoning the devil, that was fun but it was also an important edit so that Stuart could move out of position, for another shot where Beardy picks up the camera and films around to prove no one is there.
I just checked Twitter to see what I assumed would be hundreds of people laughing at the ridiculousness of the episode, and incredibly Most Haunted fans think it is all real.
Karl reveals the whole thing reminded him of a proper Victorian Seance. And yes he is 100% right. They were faked too.
And with that the episode ends, and I am truly saddened that there are people out there that think this is all real.
I give the episode a 3/10
They made an effort to do some fakery with the table moving and camera shaking, however it was so obviously faked (to sane people anyway) that perhaps they could have done it better.
Review by Jon Donnis.
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By Jon Donnis