15 March 2019

REVIEW: Most Haunted - Guys Cliffe House Pt 2 - Airdate 15/03/2019

Sorry for the lateness of this review, but I completely forgot Most Haunted was on, and only realised when I logged onto Twitter to share a story about a Fortune Teller being sent to jail, and saw someone tweeting about the upcoming fake fest on REALLY.

So let's get to business quickly since this is the last of the series.

"Yvette Fielding and her team of reprobates continue the investigation into Guys Cliffe House. With something seemingly stalking the crew, the night ends with a vigorous spirit in a very small room."

As always on this multi part episodes, we start off with highlights, and end up with the cliffhanger from last week.

A scaffold pole has fallen OFF CAMERA.

Karl is pretending it is really dark and cant see anything, despite the fact the image is crystal clear proving that there is plenty of light coming from the camera itself.

Since it happened OFF CAMERA, we have no way of knowing if it was simply kicked by Karl, or pulled with wire etc. After the noise there is enough camera shake and commotion that leaves the viewer unable to genuinely understand how far or close they were.

Some more noises, another pole thrown. OFF CAMERA.

By only using one camera, which is always conveniently filming the wrong way, they can do whatever they like and the idiot Most Haunted fans will believe it.

One for the ladies! Stuart's fat arse.

I remember the days when we had nice shots of Mel Crump's behind, now we get Stuart, and they wonder why the ratings are so low.

They climb out of the cellar, and now they can hear footsteps which could be either Karl or Stuart just making the noise.

"It's evil and powerful" - Stuart Toreville.

Back with Yvette, and we hear a "breath" and we get endless replays.

We then hear a weird noise and again endless replays.

I suspect Fred for both.

Worth noting that you can also clearly hear birds outside.

Ok an important note here, at roughly 13 minutes Yvette clearly states "with morning light soon approaching..." So depending when this was filmed, you would assume that this would indicate a time of early morning, so let's say 3am at the earliest, but could be later. Just keep that in mind for later.

The teams split and Yvette sets up for a seance. Now any time they use a static camera you know to always be suspicious.

Notice the clock above the table.

Does that look like early morning to you? I wonder if we can get a shot of Karl's watch to confirm the time?

They carry on the seance and claim they can hear people talking.
They hear some creaking, Karl claims it's probably his chair despite the fact he is not moving. I wonder if someone else in the room OFF CAMERA is moving about.

Beardy looks out the window, Yvette claims she can feel the table moving. Are you getting suspicious yet? They lied about the time, they have a static camera, you cant see under the table. I wonder what will happen?

Suddenly the table starts to levitate! YES REALLY.

The table is lifted in the air, but it is not by Yvette, Karl or Beardy, the chair closest to the camera, of which you can just see the top of remains still.

How are they doing this?

It keeps moving.

Beardy says they should get another camera to film under the table, Karl quickly shuts him down and says "there needs to be some trust at this point".

The table twists quite far round, so they tell the ghost they will move it back. They then all laugh because the table is heavy and hard to move. They move it and then they screw up.

At 20m00s if you watch on the UKTV website for the time frame, they move the table back, but the chair by the front of the camera moves on its own, almost as if someone hidden under the table is readjusting their position. Whoops.

The shot then ends and they cross to someone else.

Ok, so let's analyse the whole segment, we started with the camera in a static position, at no point could you see under the table, and a chair moved by itself near the camera, and they did not react to it.

This was clearly missed in the edit, or they hoped you would not notice it.

How did they do this? Easy, Stuart is under the table on all fours, he is using his back to lift the table, the table moves exactly as you would expect it to if being lifted that way. This is blatant fakery.

The first thing any real investigator would do the moment a table started moving would be to film under the table, this could be done with any of their smartphones, but instead we have to "trust" them.

We cut back to Yvette and they now are filming under the table since Stuart has clearly moved now.

As the camera is now on the floor, we cant see their hands, and the table starts to move, no where near as much as before, just a bit.

They put the camera on the table, and ask the ghosts to move it. The camera starts to shake and move.

It is literally just Stuart standing there shaking it. Again they have no second camera, so we just have to take their word.

We then get a recorded piece of footage of Stuart elsewhere apparently on his own, just so the viewer doesn't suspect him as moving the table and camera.

If there is just one person watching this who thinks this is all legit then I despair.

We get a clear shot of the clock that says 11pm.

Remember the lie Yvette told earlier about the time!

But maybe the clock on the wall is wrong, it's possible I guess.

Oh wait we have Karl's watch clearly in view.

Flipped around and it shows 11pm.

Look I know this isn't much, but it does show that they lie about the time, this is something I moan about week in week out, that things are filmed out of order, people aren't where they are when they say they are. These are not "all night" investigations like they want to you think.

They turn up at a location, they have a few drinks, something to eat, they film for a maximum of 3 hours, then they go home. That's it.

And in those 3 hours, they get all this activity.
Yet any ghost hunter will tell you they might sit for hour after hour and nothing ever happens.

Most Haunted is faked.

We get the obligatory split screen, despite the fact they only have 2 cameras, we are led to believe that these shots are all happening at the same time.

Karl picks up the camera, and the table starts moving again, clearly he is just pulling it with his spare hand.

We get some footage from Stuart, he is walking about, hearing the odd noise from things being thrown OFF CAMERA.

Back with the table, and ask yourself why does Karl stay so close to them to film. He moves back to get the whole table in shot, but again he doesn't film under the table, as obviously Stuart is under the far corner. They edit the footage which allows them to put Stuart in position, remove him and so on.

They stand up, position the camera to make sure it is not filming under the table of course.
They are trying to prove none of them are lifting it, but no one thinks they were, it is obviously someone underneath.

This is all getting silly now.

We get a quick shot of Fred summoning the devil, that was fun but it was also an important edit so that Stuart could move out of position, for another shot where Beardy picks up the camera and films around to prove no one is there.

I just checked Twitter to see what I assumed would be hundreds of people laughing at the ridiculousness of the episode, and incredibly Most Haunted fans think it is all real.

Karl reveals the whole thing reminded him of a proper Victorian Seance. And yes he is 100% right. They were faked too.

And with that the episode ends, and I am truly saddened that there are people out there that think this is all real.

I give the episode a 3/10
They made an effort to do some fakery with the table moving and camera shaking, however it was so obviously faked (to sane people anyway) that perhaps they could have done it better.

Review by Jon Donnis.

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postnatalsupport said...

Have they ever commented on what you write about them?

JD said...

Yes plenty of times back when the show was popular.

Usually they'd pretend to not know who we are, claim they'd not heard the criticism, or just downright called us liars.

L Simon said...

I think Karl unwittingly gives away how the stunt with the scaffolding was done when he tries to show that it cannot stand unsupported; but it does, for a good 7 seconds! When the episode proper begins a section of footage has been cut from the beginning, so you have to go to the end of the previous episode to see that Stuart starts off standing very close to the scaffold, which is just off screen. He holds the camera in his left hand and his right is extended past the camera. He has a look of intense concentration on his face as though he is carefully balancing something heavy with his right hand. Karl then says, “… but it’s like behind me,” and Stuart slowly moves the camera towards Karl to make it look like he is moving with him, but instead stands still for a couple of seconds before finally moving to join him. The time it takes for the scaffolding to clatter down from this point on is exactly 8 seconds!

Poor old Stuart gets the cramps under the table and gives the game away by unavoidably moving the chair in the foreground! Karl is looking directly at the chair but doesn't comment on it; then the scene is immediately cut, before the swearing starts!

Greg and Glen are down in the ice store, yet they don't make any reference to the fact that Stuart and Karl experienced the scaffolding collapsing in here earlier. Perhaps because it hasn’t happened yet, and the scenes are shown out of order?

Yvette instructs Darren to put the camera under the table to disprove any fakery, with the words, “I’m just saying for this one, just put it on the floor.” What does, “This one” mean? She then tells him, “That will do” but she has no idea what the camera is pointing at, so she just needed the camera to be filming under the table. Immediately, the table is pushed from above.

The camera is then placed on one of the table leafs which is in front of Yvette and either she or Karl uses their knee to shake it from beneath, while they all proudly display their hands in shot; but Darren messes up by knocking the camera. So Karl picks up the camera and places it exactly on the leaf at the opposite end of the table, and uses his left knee to shake that one instead!

When Karl moves across to the stairwell to get a wide shot of the table, the perspective looks all wrong. The table top is drastically raised up at Darren's end, as though it has been unplugged from it’s legs and is being partially supported by Darren’s thighs (perhaps with the aid of Stewart crouched at his feet) with the majority of the weight being supported by the table legs. The front end of the table top can be seen sliding and rotating over the front leg, which proves they are not attached. Karl realises this is visible on camera so he pretends to hear a voice on the stairs behind him and spins the camera around. The scene is immediately cut and when they come back the table is perfectly flat again.

Yvette scrapes the nail of her little finger across the table top to create a noise, which Karl claims sounds like some invisible force rotating its fist in the centre of the table, and Yvette agrees. Watch the table top as Karl simulates this, it is not sitting level again and wobbles under the pressure of his hand. This is how easy it is for the group to move the table, because the top is not attached to its legs, but is instead just balancing on them.

Darren pushes the table top with his legs and it tilts downwards towards Karl because it has moved past its centre of gravity, and karl controls the movement from the opposite side with his thighs and hands.

The fact that the external door buzzer keeps going off makes a mockery of all the split screen footage they keep showing as proof that everyone is accounted for. Clearly other crew members are coming and going while they are filming this scene. The fact that Yvette and Karl try to style this out by demonstrating how the door buzzer works just goes to show the level of contempt they have for their viewers’ IQs!

postnatalsupport said...

All really sad then because I adore anything paranormal and believe in the afterlife. Why don’t you do a programme and I’ll assist?! Surely they must be bored faking it?

JD said...

Legit paranormal investigation programs don't sell. As nothing happens, so no one watches.

postnatalsupport said...

Very sad. Who do you rate in the paranormal world?

JD said...

No one famous

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