So I put off writing this review for a couple of days, such was the stress and hardship I put myself through for hour 1 and 2. But alas I am a man of my word, and I have to finish this, so here we are. Hour 3.
You can catch up on my previous reviews at...
A quick summary of what happened previously. The team opened a box with an angle grinder, risking the lives of every single person in the hall. They passed around a dybbuk box which was then forgotten about almost instantly. We had Sean who was the star of the show, despite being a believer he pretty much kept his cool. They wasted 30 minutes with a seance that achieved nothing, Karl did some dodgy acting. And that was it.
So let's get into hour 3.
So we are still with Karl talking about this big black shadow figure he saw OFF CAMERA. And despite the CCTV they have access to, we don't check back on the footage, and sod all happens.
We now have a good 5 minutes of them all stood about, not quite sure what to do next.
Yvette starts asking the ghosts to copy her and she makes the most annoying noise in human history.
There is a lot of chatter through the walkies, and through the ear pieces.
Then suddenly in a scene reminiscent of the famous "Karl pulled up the stairs by the rope attached to his waste" Karl pretends to be pulled back suddenly into the room directly behind him, this time he only moves a few inches, but it is ridiculous acting, even by Karl's terrible standards.
Fred and Karl then investigate the room, of course there is no one in there.
I think that Karl could have made more of an effort and gone to the floor.
If you notice, before Karl is about to do a stunt, he will fiddle with his wedding ring, this is clearly a nervous tick, which gives away when he is about to do something.
The more I watch this the more ridiculous it is. It is at roughly 2h 02m if you want to check it out.
And suddenly we have lost the feed, everything is black for a couple of minutes.
No explanation, no blaming the ghosts, just shitty equipment.
The black screen is easily the most entertaining part of Most Haunted Live so far.
When we come back Fred is invoking Satan and talking to the spirits.
Yvette bangs a door 3 times, and then there is a super faint 3 bangs back, which could literally be any of the near 100 people at the location.
I hate it when they shout out "hello", as if either the ghost will reply, or the human fannying about will put his hand up and say "hey, that was just me slamming the door shut".
More weird noises, and as usual everything is OFF CAMERA.
God this is boring, I expect they will have to go back to the Ouija board nonsense to fill some time, unless Karl has a big stunt up his sleeve. Usually though when he has he tends to be off somewhere with Stuart.
Even Karl is getting bored now. Probably wishing it was only a 2 hour show instead of a 3 hour one.
Karl announces that the "talk back" is no longer working so they are going to have to "wing it" from now on.
I thought the whole show was supposed to be ad lib. The idea that perhaps they were following a script or instructions from someone else is rather interesting.
Of course it is all a lie, if they truly lost contact with the producer, they could be off air and not know it.
Karl finally blames the ghosts for the technical issues with the talk back system.
And then out of nowhere Stuart claims the cable to his camera is being pulled, OFF CAMERA.
They keep claiming the cable is tight, yet you can clearly see it is not.
So clearly all that has happened is when he has gone around the corner, the cable has snagged slightly and it went tight there, and when you go back the way you came the cable is loose. Naughty Stuart is telling lies again.
"Honestly I am not lying" - Stuart Toreville
I could literally be watching or doing anything else right now, and it would be more entertaining.
I am sat here, a man in my early 40s, watching two idiots, standing in a room, with a black and white filter on, pretending to talk to ghosts. I wonder sometimes who is the biggest fool, them or me.
Karl keeps banging a table with his fist asking the ghosts to copy, but alas whoever he asked to bang back cant hear him, maybe they are in the toilet?
Realising its getting a bit boring, Stuart again pretends someone is pulling his camera, they investigate and the cable is still loose around the corner. Jenny then tells Yvette through her ear they cant see anything on the CCTV. Remember a few minutes ago when Karl was pretending that the talk back wasn't working? Guess its fixed now.
Yvette decides they need Charlie Dimmock's box (aka. dybbuk box) and they can do a seance with it.
Karl duly runs off to get it.
Yvette reveals that someone in the audience has heard a hiccup in another room.
Yes apparently ghosts can get hiccups! Who knew!
Karl has recovered Charlie Dimmock's box and puts it on the seance table.
While Yvette sets that up, we cut to the forgotten crew, Beardy, Glen and the female audience member. They recall the various things that have happened to them, which is basically nothing.
In an usual step, Glen does NOT have his hands in his pockets, instead he has them under his arm pits to keep them warm.
Back with Yvette and Karl and Charlie Dimmocks Box.
Yvette starts the seance, interesting it is just Yvette and Karl around the table this time with Stuart filming, I wonder if they have a stunt planned, which is why they have got rid of everyone else.
Now if I was running the show, I would have gimmicked up a fishing line attached to Charlie Dimmock's box, and then had it levitate on camera. The lines in the wall behind would have hidden the line too making it almost impossible to see. Who wouldn't want to see Charlie Dimmock's box rise up in the air. Apparently there is a strong smell of piss emanating from Charlie Dimmock's box.
Yvette is convinced there is "something" in the room with them. That's not a very nice way to refer to Stuart.
With the fact the top of the table can spin, another trick I would have employed would be a long hair tied to the table, and you could pull it without the camera seeing it and the table would move. Also easy to dispose of.
Despite smelling of piss, I really hoped Charlie Dimmock's box would have done more, maybe make a noise, or had some kind of secretion? But no, it is just sat there on the table doing nothing.
Karl has fingered Charlie Dimmock's box, but Yvette refuses to put her finger in Charlie Dimmock's box, she says she doesn't know where it has been. Karl is quite enjoying the hairs on Charlie Dimmock's box.
After much cajoling Yvette Fielding does what we all wanted to see her do, she put her finger in Charlie Dimmock's box.
Ok it is not quite in the box, more on the outside, I am not really up on the terminology of the different parts of a box, I know there are a lot of names for things and in general men have a problem understanding or even finding all the different parts, where as women are the experts.
Karl claims he can hear a noise out of Charlie Dimmock's box, but the camera audio is not picking up anything. Yvette claims the box is moving but again I cannot see any movement.
Charlie Dimmock's box better move properly soon, or else this will have been a massive waste of time.
Karl claims there is a scratching sound coming out of Charlie Dimmock's box, he then decides to get his fingers right in there. Yvette gets angry and tells him to stop putting his fingers in Charlie Dimmock's box.
Karl thinks it is hilarious. And points out its just an old box with a load of old hair.
How dare he!
25 minutes left and I am loosing the will to live.
Someone needs to burn me up and put my ashes in Charlie Dimmock's box.
Yvette decides to swap places with Stuart, and then Jenny who I think runs one of their websites for them or something also comes to join them at the table.
They all place their fingers on Charlie Dimmock's box.
Not a great deal happens.
We cut to the other group and the audience member is now running a little seance. Seems a bit over confident. Knows her script well. I am not suggesting for one moment she is a plant.
Mary starts to do her best Yvette impression and makes noises for the spirits to copy.
Glen starts to whistle.
We cut back to Yvette and perfectly on cue, Yvette jumps up claiming someone has pulled her hood.
She then claims she cannot see, and has to sit down. All very over dramatic.
I watched the clip back and her hood does not move.
If she is not faking it, at worst it was a small spider that made her jump.
Yvette claims there was a film of grey come over her eyes. The one time I needed Glen to be there to make a joke and he is not!
Credit to Jenny here, she is not really playing along here, doesn't seem fussed by anything. I am guessing she has worked on the Most Haunted Experience tour things, and has seen all this nonsense before.
Just over 10 minutes left. Nearly there folks. Hold on a bit longer, you can do it.
Everything Yvette is experiencing if not acting can be put down to psychology, all of it. Not a single thing has happened in 3 hours that can not be explained by either deliberate fakery, or psychology.
Well apart from the ghost hiccuping, that is beyond science.
Karl looks like he is exposing himself to Charlie Dimmock's box.
They head back upstairs, and there is terrible feedback on the audio.
Yvette claims she can hear steps and tapping, and then hilariously someone just walks past the door in the corridor, and Yvette pretends to not even notice, and keeps listening out for the noises.
This guy! lol
One of the audience members who perhaps popped to the toilet.
Again a reminder there is nearly 100 people on this shoot, no real restrictions on what they can do or where they can go, no controls, nothing.
More taps and knocks, so they put the camera on the floor, but again while positioning it, you can clearly see one of the security or crew members in the background.
Yvette starts to single Twinkle Twinkle Little Star again. The ghost then tries to kill himself, but realises he is already dead.
And with that they decide to end things, lights come on, and they walk around to the front of the court room with all the virgins and middle aged housewives in it.
Yvette does a final piece to camera, and the show ends.
That was awful. Even Charlie Dimmock's box couldn't save this awful show.
No wonder it has been relegated to Youtube, no TV stations in the UK would be stupid enough to pay for this crap.
So I will give me final score. And it is another 1/10
The show over the 3 hours was consistently awful. Nothing really happened, the stunts were poor, the acting was naff, and I have wasted a chunk of my life I will never get back. The only brief ray of sunshine was the excellent Sean, who refused to play along.
So I will say it again for real this time. NEVER AGAIN!
By Jon Donnis
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By Jon Donnis