11 March 2018
Welcome back to my world famous, award winning review of Most Haunted. After the excitement of the "As Live" specials, and the first trailer for Most Haunted The Movie we are now back to normal, with a regular episode of Most Haunted Off Camera.
Before we get started, what is it with people involved with Most Haunted not being able to understand how the trending system works on Twitter?
Usually when TV ratings are down, Karl and Yvette will turn to "Twitter Trends" as a way to prove that people care. The only problem is that Most Haunted never trends! It just does not trend in the top 20, but Yvette and Karl and their fans all claim that it is top 3, or top 2 trend.
I've exposed this on twitter (@TheBadPsych) they are confusing UK Trends with Trends for You.
UK Trends are what people in the UK as a whole are tweeting about. Most Haunted never ever makes this list. It is a small show on a very small network with not many viewers.
Trends for You, are what you and people you follow / follow you, are tweeting about. So of course on Karl and Yvette's little twitter trending list it is showing Most Haunted, but that is because they have it set to show Trends for you instead of UK Trends. This is the default setting on Twitter I believe.
Yvette also went to an external website which monitors Twitter, and at 12:30am right after the two hour special of Most Haunted had finished, set the time to ONLY check hashtags in the past 2 hours, and low and behold Most Haunted was there but still only 3rd. She did this because there was nothing else on the TV that would encourage people to tweet in the UK, only The Last Leg (which got 1st with a few hundred thousand tweets), and then some other random discussion about something I don't recall. Most Haunted had only a few thousand tweets.
So please do not buy the lies from them. Also a quick message to Karl, if you quote everyone who compliments you, adding the "#MostHaunted" tag, and doing it 100 times, it still only counts as 1. So you are not actually helping make it trend, as much as you try to fiddle the system. This is part of Twitters system to stop bots creating trends by automatically tweeting the same tag thousands of times.
And now the lesson on Twitter is over, lets scrape that blurbage off Watson's paws and take a read.
"Spook-searching with Yvette Fielding and the Scooby Gang! Something eerie wants to make itself known when the team arrives at a beautiful manor house in Tamworth with a history of paranormal occurrences."
Most Haunted scrapes into the Top 10 of most watched shows on REALLY, I wonder why Karl never tweeted about that!
I would expect the ratings to rise considerable for the As Live specials though, if only for the doll stunt.
1. Something will be thrown OFF CAMERA.
2. Karl will hear a noise that he will then have to edit in to the footage.
3. Watson will do something that is typical to all dogs the world over.
4. Yvette will go "Ssshhhh".
5. Glen will get touched many times.
So the first shot of the entire episode is of this poor teddy bear, I hope this is not a sign of things to come in this episode.
The return of Watson, always a good sign.
The Manor House in Tamworth is a lovely pub and restaurant, I have been there many many years ago.
It is NOT haunted, although management will say it is as part of advertising.
Yvette is running through all the ghost stories of the Manor House, usual stuff.
Happy that Yvette got onto the Benidorm cast, playing the character of Leslie.
So one of the things they like to do on Most Haunted is claim things have happened before the investigation has started, as a one off this could have some interest, but when you do it every week it starts to come across as a bit too obvious.
This week a chair has fallen over OFF CAMERA, clearly looks like one of the crew knocked it over as they left the room.
As for who it was, it was Producer Louise Jones,
She literally runs past the chair, then the chair falls back, yet Yvette Fielding claims this is "activity".
I know they think the Most Haunted fans are a bit dim, but this is a push even for them.
They show the replay endlessly.
Yvette then claims she heard a clicking in her ear.
Again all before the investigation has started.
The whole point of this is to show that they don't fake things, as things happen when they are not even investigating, or trying etc.
Glen has his waistcoat, a hand in his pocket and smug look on his face. Some things never change.
Looks like Glen has downed a bottle of Vodka to help him get through the evening's investigation.
With Watson wondering around this Pub/Restaurant, I am curious as to if they were given permission by the management, you are not supposed to allow animals into Pubs and Restaurants due to the health hazards. Perhaps this is why The Manor House only gets 4 stars on the Food Hygiene Ratings and not 5.
Great little light on Watson's collar.
As Yvette is talking to Glen there is suddenly a noise, and a plate has been thrown....... OFF CAMERA.
Despite Yvette not looking in the direction of where the plate landed, nor reacting till after the bang, she is now loudly exclaiming that she saw the plate flying behind the cameraman (Karl).
Yvette wants to put a "locked off" camera on some trolley, saying she thinks it could possibly move, so there is your early spoiler, the trolley is going to move.
I wish I could find me a woman that looks at me the way Glen looks at Yvette.
After getting touched up by Yvette here, Glen had to sit down for a good few minutes and awkwardly hide something in his pocket. Very unusual.
Luckily for Glen the lights are turned off, (Despite it still being bright outside). And the investigation proper begins.
Here is a brief shot of the trolley that Yvette has told Karl aka the Ghost to move later.
But how can a ghost possibly move such a light object on wheels?
Watson is panting, so clearly he is thirsty, and has wondered off looking for water, this is explained as Watson being scared of ghosts and buggering off.
Of course as soon as Yvette finds him, he is perfectly happy to follow her back upstairs and to the exact place they claimed he was scared of.
We then get a few minutes of all different crew members calling Watson's name, and him walking back and forth, somehow this is translated into him having a lot of energy and being excited by ghosts.
The fact he is in a pub/restaurant, and the place will have all manner of interesting smells for a dog, seems to escape Dog Expert Yvette.
Karl has decided to go up into the tower area on his own, and thinks that this is acceptable camera work, filming up his nose and in his ear.
There is a very very faint sound that could be interpreted as a child giggling. But this could easily be someone outside. Possibly added in post production, if it is a one off then probably someone outside, if we get a load more then definitely added in the edit room,.
Watson is getting some good air time in this episode. A dog doing dog things is more interesting than anything else. Watson is still panting, give the poor dog some water.
Stuart declares that Watson is not happy, not happy at all. When in truth the dog is fine, he is not crying, or moaning, at worst he has been panting, something that Bulldogs do a lot due to respiratory disease because of over breeding. People, please do not buy so called pure breed dogs, it is cruel and encourages a market of puppy farms and inbreeding. If you have to buy a dog, go to your local rescue home.
Watson has seen the "Fire Exit" sign and slowly walks through the door, in the hope of escaping from Yvette forever. Unfortunately Yvette catches up, and decides he is causing too much trouble and locks him in the control room with the producer, and hopefully a bowl of water.
I guess that is the last we will see of him this week.
Karl is still up in the tower and panting almost as much as Watson. As a heavy smoker, it seems he runs out of breath easily. He also is a bit clumsy with his lighter at times I hear.
Suddenly another creepy noise, this was very suspicious, and sounded like a post production edit, even through my tinny laptop speakers.
There is then another creepy sound a bit like a sharp intake of air. It's all getting a bit silly now. Another post production edit for sure.
And another giggle, oh you get the idea.
I think you can caption this one yourself!
Stuart hasn't done much this episode, I am guessing his antics will be kept for part two.
Suddenly Yvette smells something she describes as being like a sewer, I am guessing her tummy problems have returned.
Luckily Stuart is there to blame it on the drains.
As Glen, Yvette and Stuart leave the area where Yvette had dropped one, the filming suddenly goes a bit strange, I cant quite put my finger on it, there is no video edits or anything, just a bit strange, like the frame rate has dropped. suddenly there is a noise and something has happened OFF CAMERA. I think the plate from earlier has simply been kicked here. Just a strange scene all round.
Karl still up in the tower is convinced there is an ear on the floor in the corner.
It does look a bit like an ear, perhaps a prank played by one of the staff members of the pub knowing that Most Haunted would be filming? Or just a coincidence of something that is there resembling an ear. For some reason Karl doesn't pick it up or investigate it in any way other than filming it.
You then hear a "Whoah..." which is obviously Stuart's voice. But Karl acts like it is a ghostly noise.
Then we hear footsteps on the stairs, again a post production edit.
Back with Yvette and Glen, and Glen is checking on his laptop for noises before the plate noise. And there is a wretching sound, or a "yea", but for some reason the words "Get out" are put on the screen, which only goes to force auditory pareidolia on the viewer.
Yvette decides it is time for a breather as her backside is twitching, yes that is exactly what she said.
This brings great joy to Glen.
Yvette then grabs Glens hand and drags him out the room, probably to help fix that twitching problem.
Glen is having the time of his life here.
Karl is still hearing noises in whatever part of the building he is now in. Anything with Karl these days can just be dismissed as it is just ridiculous.
Karl over acts as he nearly falls down the stairs.
As the episode comes to an end, they are back analysing the sound from Glen's laptop, and for some reason they have slowed it down, because as you all know Ghosts speak in super fast English that can only be understood at half speed. And because they have already primed the viewer to believe the ghost is saying "Get Out", you start to hear that yourself.
The trolley never moved so I am guessing they are saving that for next week.
However as they show the "Next time on Most Haunted" highlights, they are playing sound effects, of children playing, giggling, crying etc, now these are audio effects to make things for the next episode seem more creepy etc, they are NOT part of the investigation, but the problem with this is that it is admitting that they do have such sound effects readily available to be used. And therefore give away that the sounds Karl claims to have heard earlier were most likely from the exact same sound effects folder on his laptop.
And with that the episode ends.
This was a poor episode, a plate was thrown OFF CAMERA, a dog did doggy things, and Karl pretended to hear noises that he then added in post production.
Very very poor episode. 1 out of 10, and I only give it a 1 because of Watson seeing the fire exit and buggering off.
Just one more episode in the series to go, then I can have some peace.
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By Jon Donnis