29 April 2017

Review: Most Haunted Series 5 (or 19) Episode 4 (Todmoreden Church) - REALLY to air Friday 5th May, 10pm

♪♫♬How many kinds of sweet bulldogs grow♪♫♬
♪♫♬In a Most Haunted Investigation?♪♫♬
♪♫♬I'll tell you now of something I know♪♫♬
♪♫♬Watson got more popular, so now he is almost gone♪♫♬

♪♫♬Facebook and Twitter love♪♫♬
♪♫♬Instagram and Snapchat fun♪♫♬
♪♫♬Sniffing, Wagging and lots farting♪♫♬
♪♫♬No not Watson, that vile woman Yvette♪♫♬
♪♫♬In a Most Haunted Investigation?♪♫♬

"To be sang in the style of English Country Garden"

So I kind of messed up a little bit earlier, if you have been following me on Twitter I accidentally said that Mel Crump was returning to Most Haunted on this episode. Unfortunately despite my best efforts this is not true, and she will never return. In the words of Yvette (Allegedly) "That woman will never work in TV again, what with her perfect hair, beautiful blemish free tanned skin, pert round bum, she will never be welcome on Most Haunted again"

Anyway on to this weeks "Entertainment Purposes Only" episode of Most Haunted and here is your filthy, dirty, stained blurb.

"More creepy capers with Yvette and the fearless Most Haunted team. The team find they are not alone when they go into the cellar of Todmoreden Church in West Yorkshire."

I did notice after episode 3 aired last night on REALLY, a lot of people were really angry and pissed off that Watson was not part of the show. I would like to refer everyone back to my comments back on the 21st of March on my exclusive embargo breaking review of Episode 1 I said, and I quote.

"We now get introduced to who will undoubtably become the most popular member of the team, shortly before being brutally fired because Yvette is jealous of them (see Jason Karl, Phil Whyman, Matthew Smith, and so on)...."

People said I was lying, people said this would never happen.
"He is just a dog, Yvette would never get rid of Watson because he was more popular than her, don't be silly"

I am sure Watson wasn't just a PR stunt used to get some media "inches" before the series aired, because otherwise no one was interested in promoting a new series of Most Haunted, that was exactly the same as every previous series.

Well lets get on with Episode 4, and in one of the opening shots the legendary Watson makes an appearance!

Most Haunted these days seems more like a parody of itself than any actual show, the dodgy production shots, awful camera work etc, its like some of those Most Haunted clones on Youtube.

We start off an Yvette is walking in a "Haunted Gothic Church", and surprise surprise the church is now owned by a tourist company. I can imagine the Unitarian Church wont be too happy that one of their former churches is being used for such purposes.

I wonder how long it will take for Watson to be "Put to bed" so he doesn't get in the way? I bet he doesn't even make the proper investigation at all!

After looking quite busty last week, I have to say that this week Yvette is looking quite curvy around the hips. Oh no, here they come again. I am getting feelings!! This is so wrong. Must be cause I mentioned the Crumpster earlier, its got my hormones raging.

Naughty boy Glen, has his best sports casual jacket on again, nice to see him wearing jeans and a t-shirt in Church, way to disrespect Christianity!

Glen makes some good comments here about a church being the last place that is likely to be haunted, and that the acoustics in a place like a Church would really carry noises, so normal events could be amplified and carried about. Yvette quickly dismisses this and moves on.

Cut to Watson who already cant be arsed.

Strangely not much messing about today, straight into the investigation and we are less than 10 minutes into the episode.

Yvette is calling out to the spirits, and even asks them to affect Watson.

I am sure that Watson is wondering why he is being brought into it, he is just happy sitting on his bet and enjoying the peace and quiet of a totally NOT haunted location.

Yvette asks the spirits to make a noise with their voice. Again the stupidest thing you can ever say.

Karl and Fred are in the graveyard, again another place where no dead person is ever gonna hang about as a ghost.

Yvette tries to do some "twerking" to impress the boys, but they just think she looks silly, so they pretend to hear a noise, which then gets Yvette to concentrate on making a TV show.

Karl and Fred mention the disgusting smell outside in the graveyard. Although Karl really should be used to disgusting smells living with Yvette all these years, the smell of a decaying corpse has nothing on Yvette's bottom burps, or so Derek Acorah once told me anyway.

Fred is convinced he has seen something in the trees.

Yvette has now seen a small shadow move across the church in the distance, a small almost bulldog sized shadow! What could it possibly be?

They hear a noise coming from one of the floor grates. The cameraman is standing between two of them, so obviously it couldn't possibly be him. He then states "It could be a chink". Which I thought was incredibly racist, but that's none of my business.

They play a replay of the noise, which matches perfectly with Stuart moving, so that's solved then.

Karl is still moaning about the smell. And pulling faces. Of course it couldn't possibly be dog poo could it? No of course not, what kind of crazy dog would do a poo outside on some grass.

I hope Karl checks his shoes before he goes back inside.

Just as Karl has cleaned the dog shit off his shoes, he comes in and catches Glen and Yvette in an awkward position, they are holding hands, Yvette quickly pulls away. Not sure if Karl saw everything in the dark.

We get a cut in the feed, and suddenly Glen has been moved and replaced by Fred. I wonder why!

Yvette has asked the spirits to copy her whistling. Just think if there is a homeless person outside, he might hear that whistling and whistle back. I know I would do that if I heard whistling.

The team splits up, and Fred is encouraged to do one of his "evil chants". He starts it and then this comes up on screen which really made me laugh.

Yes they don't want the people at home to hear the full incantation because???? Evil spirits are gonna come through their TV sets?

Remember this show is a spoof, for entertainment purposes only, it is not real! I am guessing OFCOM didn't force them to put that on the screen, and instead it is a stunt to impress the idiots watching at home.

Karl and Stuart are outside, Stuart has heard a noise, and he is trying to describe what it sounds like, and no joke, he is saying it sounds like a female orgasm!
Again this is not a bit by me, he is literally saying that. Now how he would know what the female orgasm would sound like i have no idea.

Karl has no idea what Stuart is talking about, mainly because he also has never made a woman orgasm. That's why Yvette always looks so miserable.

(Advice for the ladies out there "Once you go Greek you hit your peak")

Fred is still doing his nonsense incantations. I am sure he is making it up as he goes along. Bizarrely they have hooked up a noose, for the following shot.

Back to Stuart and Karl and Stuart is insisting he heard what he heard, and now Karl is agreeing they have heard a woman. I wonder if "Real Punting" is filming nearby?

Question: Which current or former crew member on Most Haunted once appeared in an episode of Real Punting?

Answer: You will have to go subscribe to find out!

Stuart is finally getting to Karl with all his ghost orgasm sex talk. Again this is not a joke by me, this is actually happening.

We are now past the half way point of the episode, and nothing of actual interest has happened. Watson as I predicted has disappeared, and is not being used in the investigation at all, making his entire inclusion in the show completely pointless.

Stuart and Karl are still talking about the orgasmic sex ghost. (hooker in the car park) Stuart and Karl hear another noise, the fact they are outside and near a road is not really mentioned.

Glen is keeping his hands to himself after getting told off earlier, he aint gonna risk it again, not while the cameras are running.

Yvette hears a noise again, Glen insists it was Greg, Yvette insists it is not.
Basically they are all hearing each other breath through their noses, and they are reporting this as ghostly activity.

Yvette whistles and someone whistles back. Yvette shouts to Fred, who pretends he cant hear her, then shouts back it wasn't him. Glen quickly goes to the laptop to get a playback of the ghost whistle. And yes there is a whistle, but there is no way at all to prove it wasn't one of the many other cast members.

I am not sure how whistling in the dark, in the cellar of the Church, when there is at least 6 other people in the location, constitutes as investigating the paranormal.

You might as well fart and listen out for someone else farting and then when everyone denies it is them, then claim it is a ghost fart.

Karl is now in the cellar and Yvette and the rest of them are in the graveyard.

Straight away Yvette hears a noise, I wonder if that ghost woman is getting sloppy seconds? ("Sloppy Seconds" was allegedly Yvette's nickname in high school)

10 minutes left and not a lot has happened, surely Stuart or Karl have to throw something soon. Noises from a sex ghost, and a whistle is not at all interesting to me.

Strangely Glen starts to make some very good observations while outside, and how the torch light creating shadows from one tombstone onto another creates the illusion of a moving shadow. Well done Glen. I know you get told what to say and do a lot, and have been involved in some fakery, but it is also good when you get to pre-empt some of the other nonsense you know will come out.

Karl is starting to hear things, and his imagination is playing games with him.

Notice the light on the wall behind Karl here, and also his eyes! This is NOT night vision, this is a camera filter to fake night vision. This is not at all dark.

Now there is a very slight groan noise here that is not Karl, it almost sounds slightly like a post production sound effect. But I am sure it is most likely just an echo.

Karl leaves the cellar.

No big stunt to end the show. No items thrown.
A few easily explainable noises and that's it.
No Watson for most of the show.

A complete waste of an episode.
Not even history buffs will enjoy this as there is no real history given of the location.


Please leave your comments below.
Tweet me on @JonDonnis and send your abuse to @TheBadPsych
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By Jon Donnis

24 April 2017

Review: Ghost Adventures - Season 14, Episode 5 April 22, 2017 (Silent Movie Theater)

After a painful week of pissing off UKTV and Most Haunted by exposing their so called Ghost (even though I did it a month ago, the episode only aired this past week so was new for everyone else, but old for me) I am back to my now world famous Ghost Adventures review, and I feel like one of these people.

Filthy Blurbage
"GAC arrive in sunny Los Angeles to investigate the infamous Silent Movie Theater on Fairfax Avenue. During their lockdown, Zak delves deep into a double-murder of the theater's owner and a candy counter girl, learns of the strange death of a silent film preservationist who lived at the theater, and even contacts deceased actor Douglas Fairbanks."

So this week we are in Los Angeles, California, and specifically at the infamous Silent Movie Theatre on Fairfax Avenue, why is it infamous I hear you ask? Well some people got murdered, and its a tourist attraction, which combined means we need to call in middle aged male virgins to investigate.

We start off with Zak "Don't call me Biggins" Bagans with his automated robotic voice over. Before cutting to the gang in the car.

The sun is out which can only mean you need to put your beanie hat on to cover up your terrible dye job and dodgy hair implants.

We hear the story of the Silent Movie Theater and it really is very interesting, and I would happily advise everyone to look it up and read about the history.

Why is it that all the people who run these locations regardless of if on Ghost Adventures of Most Haunted, always look weird as hell. Anyway we quickly meet Drew Foster, followed by some really terrible acting by Zak, in an attempt to replicate some silent movie comedy. They then cram into the smallest place they can to continue the awkwardness, all of which Drew is absolutely loving, I am guessing this is the most human contact he has had in years.

I am sure there is some penetration in this scene, but from who to who will forever remain a mystery.

I'm really enjoying Drew Foster and how awkward he is making Biggins feel. Even if the Ghost Adventures edit has totally stitched Drew up, I still think he is already the star of the episode. I would rather watch him each week than Zak and the Virgins.

We now cut to a scene "in between" their interviews, and Mike, their really really camp audio guy has seen a ghost! And by ghost I mean his own shadow.

He is very much like Cameron Tucker from Modern Family, both in looks and mannerisms. Very funny. And even Zak makes a reference to ghosts being "in the closet." I will leave that right there I think.

Zak brings out that really loud spirit box thingy, and asks a question, and a voice can be heard saying "Ess", which Zak decides is "Yes". Quick reminder that any such things are evidentially worthless, and even Most Haunted have stated they don't use such equipment since they are unreliable and can pick up radio waves.

They then film a "Heat Signature" on the leather chair which "no one" was sitting on.

Now lets just say if you wanted to fake such a thing it would be incredibly easy, and since they have no footage of the chair before, during and after, this evidence is worthless and sadly typical of the lack of any kind of scientific approach by this bunch of amateurs.

We are then introduced to "World Renowned" Psychics, Michael and Marti Parry. So world renowned in fact that I have never heard of them, and psychics are kind of my thing in case you didn't know.

They are blindfolded for some reason, I am guessing to convince the gullible viewers that they don't know where they are. Now there are lots of theatres in LA as Zak informs us, and since this theatre is famous for a murder, and has had many a ghost group investigate it previously and Michael and Marti Parry are not only from LA, but also according to their site have worked with pretty much every big name Ghost Hunting group, the idea that they have never been here before or wouldn't know its history is laughable considering the jobs they are in.

Their website averages only 1000 visitors per month since its inception in 2009, to put that into some kind of perspective, this article I am writing right now, will have twice that by this time tomorrow if not sooner. So to call them World Renowned clearly doesn't equate to popularity.

I quickly checked my archives and we have never covered them, and there isn't really much about them of interest online either. So guessing they came on the show for free or on the cheap.

Marti Parry likes to draw the spirits and Michael Parry is gonna try and communicate with his mind to the spirits. "Coincidentally" Michael sits in the exact spot that they saw the "ghost" sit the night before.

No, not that Marti.

Michael already claims he is speaking to a ghost, and that the ghost said he usually sits there. It is almost as if Michael had watched the footage from the night before. Michael claims the ghost is saying that is his spot on the settee.

Not quite but close enough I guess.

Now the settee is right in the middle of the theatre at the front, psychologically it is the spot everyone is most drawn too, front and centre is the best spot in any theatre, and when all the chairs behind are typical theatre chairs and here is this big comfy sofa, of course you will be drawn to it. So even if this isn't obviously a set up, you can still explain it through a likely coincidence.

Literally the best seat in the house, also note that the cameras and cameramen were already moving to that position to film, so with Michael following them, it only makes sense for him to sit in the best position for them to film him. Sorry guys but not buying any of this ghost chair nonsense.

We then hear a strange sound which is blatantly done by Marti who is conveniently covering her mouth with her clip board.

As you can see she usually draws her pictures with the clip board down, but decides to cover her face right when there is a noise! What do you think?

We cut to the other fake psychic who states that he is getting the name "Douglas Fairbanks" which totally exposes the fact he knows exactly where he is, which theatre, prior research and all that.

He could have at least tried to ham it up a bit, gone with a "D sounding name", or struggled with the surname, saying it wrong etc, but nope, he just comes straight out with it.

Michael tells Zak that the spirit has gotten inside him.

Zak says that he feels like he needs to run, so he does, when he comes back Michael proudly shows that he wrote down the word "Legs" as proof that the spirit was communicating with him, of course we see this "Legs" written not before Zak said he wanted to run, but after, written down away from the camera.

Zak is amazed, because Zak is an idiot, and Zak has no idea how psychics want to scam you.

Even funnier we actually get to see what Michael wrote on his pad.

Michael states confidently that it says "Run Legs"

Another classic trick of the fake psychic, scribble something eligible, and then make it fit after the event. Again we did not see the point this was written down as no camera was on him.

If you think this is worthy evidence, then I have some great time share to sell you in Morocco, just drop me a message with your credit card number and we can chat!

Zak informs Marti and Michael that they are in the Silent Movie Theatre, they do their best "Are we really, I had no idea" faces.

We next get to see the drawings by Marti.

Not a bad drawing I guess, but if you took the cigarette away that he was famous for smoking, does it really look like him?

@ElizabethJBond on Twitter suggested it looks more like Walt Disney!

Who else do you think it looks like? Leave your suggests in the comments section with any link to an image.

Either way this all stinks, Michael comes out with the exact name, no messing about, and Marti draws a male smoking a cigarette that looks basically like him.
Clearly this is not the first time they have visited this location, nor the first time they have researched the location either.

Finally they get rid of the two fake psychics and start the investigation.

"OMG There is a little person on his shoulder!"
Hahaha, I did laugh out loud at this bit.

I think I mentioned this in a previous review, but they are filming in the dark, they are using face/body detection type software, which is unreliable in full light, never mind in the dark. It is designed to always look for figures/faces regardless of if any are really there. This whole scene is 100% unscientific and rather laughable. Apparently spirits are now 1 and a half foot tall too.

It has become really difficult for me to keep interested in the show now, when it is so obviously faked, and played off as real it annoys me so much I just want to turn off. Clearly the two psychics were fake, no doubt about that. Zak is probably the least educated person I have ever seen on any paranormal TV show when it comes to the genre. His idiocy knows no bounds.

Although Most Haunted will fake things, they do so in more of a naive manner, its all faked I get that, but Ghost Adventures biggest problem is that it is over the top fake. And I can only repeat myself so many times.

And just when I thought it couldn't get any worse....

Yes its an orb. A piece of dust close to the lens out of the focal point of the camera is then mentioned by Zak. The fact that he mentions this at all must tell you all he is either a complete idiot, or he thinks his fans are idiots.

Sorry to say but I just fast forwarded through the rest of the episode, there was a noise of a chair being pushed up, they got that "Person of restricted growth" spirit again, some worthless EVPs, and some spirit box crap.

I think this episode was the worst I have ever seen for such obvious fakery.
And this might be the final episode I review cause it was just so bad.

If you watched it and disagree with me please leave a comment below.

By Jon Donnis
Tweet me on @JonDonnis and send your abuse to @TheBadPsych
You can also join the Forum and share your thoughts there.
We are also on Facebook, just search BadPsychics and you will find us. We have a group to join and a page to like.

By Jon Donnis

Watch this episode on Amazon.com by clicking the link below.

23 April 2017

Most Haunted Ghost on Stairs from Episode 2 - Debunked

I wrote nearly a month ago how I thought the ghost on the stairs was simply Glen, he was the only crew member not accounted for, he was off on his own. I believed that he simply was caught on camera, and when they looked back at the footage realised it looks a bit spooky so decided to run with it.

They paid a fortune to get the story in as many media outlets as possible a few days before the show aired on TV (hence why UKTV were so furious with me for spoiling it), and the show aired, and the usual fan reaction was as expected, skeptics said it was just a man walking up some stairs, the believers said it was a ghost, and Yvette herself said it was a Stone Tape replay of Stuart, as ridiculous as that sounds.

Now a few people contacted me saying that the effect was a video overlay. Basically two pieces of footage played together and merged to give the effect.

To be honest I still don't think that is what happened as that would in my opinion be giving too much credit to Most Haunted. I think they just caught Glen on the steps and due to low light, night vision, poor digital quality of the camera etc, it gave it that slight translucent effect. But saying that I am slowly being convinced, especially when I saw this comparison of Stuart and the Ghost.

Regardless of that pretty much everyone agrees it is not a ghost.
Well I was tweeted the following "Debunktion" and I thought I would share it as it is quite interesting, and they also point out a rather interesting note. Basically after Most Haunted aired, Yvette and Glen posted a ridiculous 9 minute conversation of them discussing the ghost on the stairs. But more importantly they tried to cut off any discussion of the video being edited, and stated it was raw footage, but guess what, thsoe annoying skeptics on the internet found a major flaw in their own defence. Yes the found that the video HAD indeed been modified, and have the proof.

Watch the video and make up your own mind. I have my own opinions, make sure to leave your comments too.