It's that time of week again, where I unscrew yet another bottle of Jack Daniels, down a pack of ibuprofen and hope I can make it through an episode of grown adult humans running around an old building, while banging their feet and throwing coins about. Just consider that for a moment, imagine making a living from making this show. Imagine the sheer contempt you must hold for the viewing public.
But before we get to the terror, did you know I have an Instagram page?
Well I do, and it is awesome, and I post such epic videos as this
Seriously how can you not follow me now? Instagram.com/badpsychics/
Anyway with the blatant plug out of the way, lets start with the totally pointless blurb.
"Yvette continues with her team in a remarkable investigation of Kelham Hall, as they venture out of the cellar and investigate the upper floors."
We are back at Kelham Hall for part 2 of this investigation.
And for the life of me I cant remember a single thing that happened in part 1, luckily they need to waste a few minutes on the show, so we get a nice recap.
Karl dropped a book behind Glen.
Yvette recalled what Fred told her earlier and then typed it out on her phone.
Stuart chucked a pipe at someone, and Stuart flipped a table then carefully filmed around it to pretend it was a ghost.
We carry on where they left off, and if you remember some machinery went off and scared them all. One of the only genuine reactions you will ever see from them as it wasn't expected.
Karl then knocks an old phone off the wall.
Don't forget to play your Most Haunted Drinking Game. Especially as Fred is already chanting in Latin.
This guy is filming his arm pit, and then there is a noise and a pipe has been thrown again, so he decides to leave in the other direction to where he reveals other crew members are filming.
Glen is getting bored as nothing happening by him since he is on his own.
Back with Fred, Yvette and Karl, Karl is determined to convince people the phone he knocked off the wall OFF CAMERA, was done by a ghost. Clearly he meant to do this, but the machine going off threw off his routine.
Hint of cleavage from Fred.
New teams form.
Greg, Stuart and Fred, Karl on his own, and Yvette alone with Glen!
With Karl and he admits all the lights are on, yet keeps the camera on "nightvision"
He then hears a noise and then hilariously he goes through a door and a office chair is spinning slowly. He then looks around to prove no one is about.
His acting is really poor here, anyone could easily have just hidden and then sneaked out of the room when he went in. Most likely Stuart. Or even easier he could have put the chair on a really fast spin, left the room, filmed a bit and then came back in.
I hate to repeat myself, but a simple static camera filming the corridor would prove that Karl was the only person to enter the room and for how long etc.
With Stuart's gang now and Stuart is convinced a door that was open earlier is now locked, he eventually realises that he needs to pull not push. And idiot of the day goes to Stuart.
Greg, Stuart and Fred go upstairs and into a small room, and Fred reveals the room is cold. So a room that has been closed all day, is cold at night. Kinda makes sense, if warm air does not get into a room, it wont magically heat up. With the recent hot weather in the UK, often I would enter my house and it would feel cold, as I like to keep everything closed. Nothing ghostly.
Karl on his own and he is hearing noises, a very weird deep laughing noise is heard, he goes back to the room with the office chair, but it is not spinning this time.
To his credit he is building tension here for something to happen, and just when you think something will happen, they cut to Yvette and Glen on their own in a room with his laptop.
Glen is sat on the floor, his legs wide apart. Trying to stretch the material in his jeans, so his unfortunate bulge isn't as obvious.
The laptop is recording audio in the hope they get some EVP.
Glen hears a noise so runs across the room to investigate.
Yvette then starts to sing Ave Maria, getting some good acoustics in this room, but even they cant help her god awful voice.
Fred then decides to show us his man boob.
No context needed.
Karl is still looking for ghosts up and down the hall, in the room with the office chair.
When he leaves the room a large bin has been placed near the entrance to the room. He moves it out of the way very easily and with very little sound. He then claims that everyone is accounted for. Despite the fact I have shown time after time that they do not records everyone's segments at the same time.
They show a split screen to prove they are all accounted for, but he literally adds these split screens in post production, since this is NOT a live broadcast. So this is very dishonest.
Simply put when he went in the room, the ghost (Stuart) spun the chair and creeped out earlier, and then later on placed the light plastic bin in place.
God this episode is boring, nearly fell asleep as Fred, Stuart and Greg examine in detail a door that moved a bit.
Now this next bit is very dodgy. Greg is on camera, and Stuart is filming, and they spend a decent amount of time just staring at the door. Fred slowly moves off camera to the right and disappears.
So watching on UKTV the time frame is 33m55s Fred walks off camera to the right. Despite them still examining the door.
Greg "wafts" his arm about to prove air pressure wont move the door.
Stuart then re-frames the shot to make sure as much of the door and Greg are in shot at once. And at 34m12s you can clearly see Greg watching Fred off camera. I wonder why?
Then perfectly on cue the door opens at 34m15s
So that is pretty much 20 seconds since Fred left the shot for no reason.
Another 8 seconds pass and then Fred re-appears from the other side of Stuart
Clearly Fred is responsible here for opening the door. There was plenty of time for him to get in position and do it, and then return.
Greg gives the game away by looking at what Fred was doing.
Now they examine the room and there is no other door, or way in.
So how do they do it?
There is a hatch in the room, but I cant see Fred having the dexterity to jump down, open it jump up and get back in position in time.
They admit that at the back of the room is a filing cabinet and beyond that is another room, but at no point do they open the filing cabinet. So potentially someone hiding in there. But I doubt it.
If it was me, I would use some fishing wire, tie it to the inside door handle, and then feed it through and past the filing cabinet through the gaps in the side or the top. Fred goes off camera and simply pulls the wire, if tied in just the right way it would pull the door enough and then undo, meaning it could be pulled past the filing cabinet and the evidence is then hidden. Fred just walks back into shot and job done.
The fact Greg is watching Fred and waiting for him to do whatever it is he is doing gives the game away for me.
Do you agree with my guess? How would you do it? Leave your opinion in the comments section.
Regardless of how they did it, I will admit it was very well done.
Back with Yvette and Glen, and Yvette is asking the ghosts to touch Glen, you just know Glen is wishing Yvette would touch him. Sexually.
Karl is still walking up and down the corridor. Surely he has set something up here.
Goes in a room, hears a bang and when he comes out a chair has been placed in the middle of the corridor. Again a simple static camera and you just got proof of the paranormal.
Instead it is just another thing that has happened OFF CAMERA.
Karl makes an exit, and they start to wrap up in each group.
Yvette talks about how large the property is, and how she wouldn't go to the toilet on her own, she then tells Glen he will have to go with her.
And with that bit of flirty banter, the episode ends.
The show did move along at a decent pace. Not a lot happened, but what did happen was fun. The door opening on its own was well done and I applaud them for putting some thought into how to fake something instead of the usual crap they churn out.
So I am happy to give then a fair 3 out of 10, one of the highest scores I have ever given them. Still complete crap and a waste of my time, but the fact I re-watched the door opening segment a few times means they made an effort.
Review by Jon Donnis.
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By Jon Donnis