3 November 2019

REVIEW - HOUR 1: Most Haunted Live! Halloween 2019 - Accrington Old Courts

Why do I do this to myself? I promised myself that I was done with Most Haunted after I reviewed their first Youtube only episode, it was so awful and watched by only about 20,000 people when it first aired, and after 4 months it still only has about 50,000 views. But guess what stupid Jon said he would do, he said that if Most Haunted Live got over 100,000 views he would review it. Annoyingly when something is streamed on youtube as opposed to uploaded in full, every time someone logs on to the stream it counts as a view, so the same person logging in and out multiple times over 3 hours, would count over and over again. As well as the views after the event had finished, and last I checked it had nearly 150,000 views. Regardless of that a promise is a promise, so I have dusted off my old reviewing hat, and will do my best to make it through 3 hours of what I know will be utter and complete pap. But I do it for you, my loyal readers.

As this is 3 hours, I will do this an hour at a time, as I just cant be arsed to sit for hour after hour watching this.

So lets start off with that filthy sticky blurbage.

"Join Yvette Fielding and the team as they embark on a live investigation of the very haunted old police station and courts at Accrington."

We start off and the first thing I noticed is that this has been filmed in 480p low resolution. To the uninformed this is basically shite. Your TV at home will probably be 1080p (Full HD), even the old "HD Ready" TVs were 720p, and now we have Ultra HD

See the tiny square in the corner? That is the resolution that Most Haunted Live is broadcasting at.

NASA broadcast from the ISS at a higher resolution and they are in space.

Anyway lets forget the cheapskates that are Most Haunted and get on with watching this.

You can tell this is live as Yvette is already stumbling over her lines. She quickly introduces their live audience, which is basically 50 deluded white people in a court room.

Yvette Fielding starts begging the watching audience to let them know if they see anything.

We cut to a pre-record explanation about the place, sounds nice enough, typical ghost hunting location, lots of unconfirmed stories, an abandoned building, spooky corridors and so on.

The whole crew is there, including Mary Beattie, so keeping it in the family again, she has even copied her mothers hairstyle. And on cue Karl reveals he has heard a noise, so they turn around walk off and start the usual stuff.

Once again they are not in darkness.

As you can see the main camera has a huge light on it.

There is a faint sound of footsteps and even a whistle and stomach rumble, sorry I mean demonic growl, all within the first 10 minutes.

Fred nearly trips over a cable, which is funny.

Imagine going along and sitting in the cold watching this for 3 hours on a big TV.
You have to be some kind of "special" to want to do that. Looks more like a Jeremy Corbyn fan club meeting. No Jews Allowed!

Fred has a massive crucifix which he is carrying about. Wonder which church he nicked that from?

As far as I can see they are filming this with one corded camera. So there will not be a single point in this entire Most Haunted Live whereby everyone will be on camera.

The various crew members are noting that it is getting colder. I am sure that will be the ghosts and not the fact it is a late October evening.

Fred is now demanding the gates of hell be opened in the name of Satan.
Just your typical night out in Accrington. Where is Ian Rush when you need him?

As expected when the camera is facing the wrong way there is a loud noise OFF CAMERA and from the direction of where Karl was stood.

Whatever made the noise has not made another and nothing is found, so might just have been a ghost kicking a door or wall.

Suddenly they seemingly have a second camera, and only now are they deciding to plug it in! Such professionals.

Karl is gonna climb through a hole in the wall. Greg decides to investigate on his own for a moment with the main camera, leaving everyone else free to do whatever they want for a few minutes.

Karl and Stuart are in the hole. Sounds like a game show.

They are all struggling with the cables here, usually they would film with handheld cameras, but they clearly don't want to pay for the technology to stream that live, so are doing it old school with plug in cameras.

With Karl and Stuart in a hole, Glen sees his chance to get closer to Yvette.
In the above shot he is checking he brought the latex free condoms with him, as we know he had an allergic reaction last time. Swelled up to the size of a melon.

With Stuart and Karl in the hole, and there is a noise and something has been thrown OFF CAMERA.

Apparently the noise came from outside, Stuart points out a vent that goes to the outside, so of course there could just be someone outside having fun.

Karl asks the spirits to slap Stuart upside the head. Never before have I wanted the ghosties to be real as much as right now, as expected nothing happens.

They climb out of the hole and Karl notices a door that is open that was previously shut, of course no camera on it, so could be anyone.

There is then a soft edit. So basically the whole segment with Karl and Stuart in the hole was clearly a pre-record. So this is not completely live. I suspect some scenes are live and some are pre-recorded. There is nothing majorly wrong about this, it just makes it easier for them I guess, it's a bit dishonest, but then the whole show is dishonest.

Darren makes a grunting noise ON CAMERA, Yvette realises it was on camera so has a go at him for making such a noise on a paranormal investigation.

More cable problems with a cable getting caught in the door.

Karl then decides they should continue with just one camera, and put the other one down and use it as a "locked off" camera. I wonder if they will do some camera trickery later? Or if they only had the one pre-record for this first 3rd of the show.

Apparently loads of people are seeing the apparition of a small child down the corridor, I cant see anything.

Yvette starts singing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.
The ghost child starts dancing and skipping around, and fully manifests in a worlds first! Just kidding, nothing happens.

Yvette struggles to say "Soft Tapping" and instead says "Saft Topping", which funnily enough is the name of her favourite sex position with Karl.

Karl has a little detector thingy on the floor.

Looks like one of those nonsense £10 thingys off of Ebay.

Yvette is priming the audience to believe there is a ghost child, and keeps repeating it.
As of right now there is 0% evidence of any ghosts on this episode of Most Haunted live.

Found the REM-POD-EMT thing on Ebay! This one is going for £131! And they have sold over 525 of them.

What kind of idiot would buy that, oh yeah Karl would, Unless the company who makes them donated one to them for the free PR.

Here is the spiel
"The REM-POD covers 360 degrees detection with its mini telescopic antenna that radiates its own magnetic field. In the most updated version, you can manually set the baseline. The REM range is programmable for 5 different sensitivity levels - that is distances of the REM range.  It also has automatic setting of the baseline. Changes in the ambient temperature are alerted in increments of changes in temp of 5 degrees. An ascending tone and red LED light alerts an increase in temperature and a descending tone and a blue LED light signifies a decrease in temperature."

Apparently the device was originally created for the team from Ghost Adventures.
So Most Haunted have literally purchased a device that was made for one of their competitors.

Yvette and the gang are just standing about and talking, something is thrown behind the cameraman OFF CAMERA. Yvette swears, Mary finds a piece of wood. Suddenly another bang OFF CAMERA, a broom has fallen over.

Blatantly was Stuart.

The piece of wood that Mary found looks like a kids building block, and they throw it down the corridor and ask the ghost child to throw it back. Nothing happens.

Karl hears something and runs off, the cameraman does his best to keep up.
The REM POD thing is going off. Completely meaningless.

Skeptic Glen says the ghost is an implied intelligence and is making them run about. Yes he is the skeptic.

The ghost child is gone, and now we have a human sized dark shadow, that Karl has seen OFF CAMERA.

"I am hearing a high pitched whine" - Darren

I would call that Yvette Fielding.

I am curious as to why Mary Beattie has had the exact same hair cut as her mum? Does anyone do that?

Beardy man has his hand covering his mouth, Mary hears a gasp sound, she then accuses Beardy of making the noise, he denies it, even though it was blatantly him. Go to 56 Minutes and see the point he puts his hand over his mouth and make the noise.

Mary clearly hasn't been on enough of these investigations, so is reacting in an honest fashion when someone present is faking stuff. Good for you Mary.

Yvette is going to set up the next experiment. Cameras are swapped and adjusted, and hour 1 is practically over.

And with that I am done. I will perhaps review the next two hours if there is interest, otherwise I wont bother, let me know if you want me to.

Also you will have noticed I have not linked or embedded the MHL video, the reason for that is that I have no interest in helping their view count.

Hour 1 I will give 1/10 - Nothing really happened, no effort was made to do anything interesting.

Review by Jon Donnis.

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Unknown said...

Glad i didnt bother watching it sounds like there usual pile of crap.

JD said...

Very much so

Anonymous said...

The best bit of this commentary has to be:
"I am hearing a high pitched whine" - Darren

I would call that Yvette Fielding.

Credit for this goes to the article's author (better make that clear as I've quoted it directly).
From this, I seem to have under-estimated Yvette...all this time I've been convinced that her entire repertoire consisted of wailing like a banshee.

JD said...

Did that line make you smile? If yes then I succeeded

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