22 February 2019

REVIEW: Most Haunted - Kelham Hall Pt 1 - Airdate 22/02/2019

Another Friday and another episode of Most Haunted.

Having just finished my analysis of a Pet Psychic, I thought I would keep the computer on and get my review of Most Haunted done and dusted. Damn my shoulders and neck are aching. Too much writing for one day me thinks. Apologies if this article is not up to my usual incredibly high standards.

Anyway did someone just say BLURB?

"Yvette Fielding and her team visit Kelham Hall in Nottinghamshire. From the start, activity is prevalent in this historical building, and Glen is faced with something unexplained."

Well I changed my ad blocker in the hope it would stop UKTV from forcing ads down my throat but unfortunately it has not worked.

If anyone knows a Chrome Extension that 100% blocks the ads on UKTV please let me know on my twitter account @TheBadPsych

The late Kim Jong-il of North Korea just contacted me through a fake psychic, he told me to tell Yvette he wants his "look" back.

I do wonder sometimes if Yvette has any mirrors in her house?

It looks like this episode was filmed in the middle of summer, so expect plenty of shots of Fred in an unbuttoned shirt.

I have never visited Kelham Hall, but it does look like an incredible building.

Thought I would check Trip Advisor with regards to Kelham Hall, and blimey there are so many unhappy people there. No wonder they are selling their soul to Most Haunted, they need any publicity they can get. Plus they want the "ghost hunter money"

As Yvette walks into the building she starts talking about the Gulags she wants to set up, since now she is an East Asian dictator she needs to get the ball running on her post Most Haunted career.

Oh come on Yvette, you are talking the piss now! You are even doing "evil hand" gestures.

Yvette has finished her intro into the benefits of Communism, and Glen arrives. With a smirk on his face of course.

(Don't forget to play your Most Haunted Drinking Game Card)

Resident Skeptic Glen is already recounting a door slamming shut. Of course OFF CAMERA.

Worth noting this is another cost saving two parter, did you know the entire series of 10 episodes was filmed on just 5 nights.

Glen has already pulled out his number 1 "on the pull" pose.
Notice the jumper he is wearing, no t-shirt underneath, just his naked flesh against the material.

Glen has revealed that Kelham Hall has no record of any murders or killings. So that should mean no ghosts right?

One finger in his pocket and BOOM, the pose has worked, and Yvette tightly grips Glen forearm, his girth throbbing in her hand.

The walk round is complete and they have wasted 10 minutes.

Did I not call it? Damn I am on form today! Fred in an unbuttoned shirt!

No idea why they have night vision on, since it is clearly lit up where they are, and even Karl admits there is lighting still on which is causing shadows.

And before you know it they are hearing banging, taps etc.

Oh god I hope it is not another episode full of pointless taps and knocks.

I may have to further entertain myself if this is the case.

Yvette decides to start walking towards the cameras and asking the ghosts to copy her. Of course the ghosts refuse as that would be way too easy.

Suddenly Yvette has sat down as she feels sick, then suddenly a book is thrown and lands right near Glen, do I need to say that this happened OFF CAMERA?

I wonder who possibly could have thrown the book. It wasn't Glen since his arms are folded. But there is no one else near, definitely a ghost. It has to be, what other possible explanation could there be?

Karl then does a pathetic attempt to investigate, by examining a nearby book case.

Anyone who thinks this was paranormal is an idiot.

Because ghosts understand smartphones, they are now communicating to Yvette by tapping when she has her finger over the right letter. Didn't they do this nonsense a few episodes ago and exposed themselves as frauds as they got the information from an incorrect newspaper clipping?

They get the name Johnathan Collebrough, which Fred instantly confirms is correct.
Here we go again.

They get 1771 as well.
Then Fred pulls out his research.

Which amazingly matches what the ghost told Yvette. Although the Johnathan, should be John or Johno by the looks of it. Do you think this is proof? I don't. I just see it as Yvette knowing before hand what she had to type out.

Again easy way to prove this was real would be to ask the ghost to tap directly on the screen!

Karl asks Fred if he has shown that info to anyone, and he denies it, because to admit it would be ridiculous.

Yvette sees a shadow and quickly starts running towards it. Remember earlier Karl admitted there was a lot of lights on that were creating shadows.

Fred starts speaking in Latin, nothing happens. But if you are playing the drinking game, you know what you need to do.

Yvette decides that everyone needs to split up.

Remember they only have two cameras with them, yet the groups split into 4 or 5. So clearly things are not being filmed at the same time as they would have you believe.

Yvette, Karl and Fred are in what looks like a cellar area, a lot of pipes and machinery around, so instantly any sounds can be put down to them. Hilariously it sounds like Karl farts, but he blames it on a door closing. Not sure you can class this as a "stench" if you are playing the drinking game. But give the fart chance to waft and we might get lucky.

For some reason chubby bloke whose name I never remember, is talking like an estate agent and describing the rooms and walking around. No idea who thought this would make interesting viewing. I doubt any viewer of Most Haunted could afford such a location.

He finally finishes and then remembers he is supposed to be filming a paranormal investigation and starts calling out to the ghosties.

We cut to Stuart and he is not messing about, talking directly to the ghosties.

Now with Glen and he is in a small room all on his own, he has his laptop open and ready. He closes the door, unzips his trousers, whips his member out and starts furiously knocking one out, and by that I mean he presses play on the record button.

Back with Fred, Yvette and Karl and perfectly on cue there is a bang OFF CAMERA, and then another bang, OFF CAMERA.

Fred is talking Latin again, so drink up people!

Fred claims he can see a mist. By the time the camera turns around and they investigate, it has gone.

Back and forth Karl goes, trying to catch the ghost on camera, but alas the ghost is crafty and stays hidden.

More Latin from Fred. And another shot to be taken.

I hope those buttons are sewed on well on Fred's shirt, the last thing we need is a button flying off and hitting Yvette in her eye.

Nearly 30 minutes into the episode with 15 minutes left. To be fair the episode has chugged along at a decent rate for once. Perhaps more due to me entertaining myself as opposed to anything happening on screen. Plus I am playing the drinking game and feeling quite tipsy.

No coins this week, I am guessing Karl left them at home.

With this bloke again, and suddenly there is a noise and something has been thrown OFF CAMERA. Now I don't think he threw it as his reaction really seemed quite real, as opposed to the usual acting from Karl. Now supposedly he is alone, but as I pointed out earlier, they only have 2 cameras, and are filming in blocks as opposed to all at once, so this could literally be Karl or Stuart down a corridor throwing something.

A big steel pipe was what was thrown.

He asks the ghosts to throw something else or move something. Nothing happens.

Suddenly another bang and another pipe has been chucked OFF CAMERA.

After the bang there is a few blurry moments on the camera as he moves it quickly about, if there is an edit, here is the most obvious bit, I am guessing the raw footage showed Karl or Stuart sneaking about, so it was simply cut and edited. Also the audio is clearly risen at the point of both bangs to make it seem louder to the viewer.

Looks like Stuart has been playing the Most Haunted drinking game too.

As Stuart investigates, there is a bang, and something has been thrown OFF CAMERA. But we dont see what. So could have just been Stuart kicking something. Suddenly a big noise. And a table has been flipped OFF CAMERA.

Ok I didn't see any obvious camera edits, so I decided to re-watch all the footage of this segment, from when they cut to Stuart, and at no point did they show the table standing.

So I am assuming the table was put on it's side before Stuart started filming, and then all he needed to do was act as if he heard the noise (which was added in post production) and react to it.

That would be the easiest way to do it.

Before you know it there is another bang and something has happened OFF CAMERA. And with that Stuart's segment ends, and we cross to Glen who is now clearing up his mess with wet wipes.

With Yvette and she is humming and making noises. That counts on the drinking game as someone humming a tune.

It still gets to me every time Karl says "hello" to the ghosts, it is just how you would answer a phone, and there is no one on the other end.

Stuart is acting all breathless and scared, as he further examines the area and then decides to leave the area and pleads with the ghosts to leave him alone as he leaves.

Karl farts again but he claims its the door again. No stench though.

Yvette is banging on a wall, nothing happens.

To really push the lie, Karl claims that the great thing is, everyone is accounted for. And that they are all in dead end places. The inference being that it must be the ghosts making the noises and chucking things and not any of the crew members. I think I have already proven this to be a lie.

Fred starts to speak in Latin, there is a noise, Yvette screams, and then the episode pauses with this as the cliffhanger. How lucky it happened right at the point where the episode would end. Almost as if it was fixed.

Guess we will have to wait until next week to find out what the noise is. (Spoiler. It was a bit of machinery, a cooling system or something that came on. Nothing ghostly)

We get a quick preview of next weeks episode and roll the credits.

The episode did seem to roll along at a decent pace, but still nothing very impressive happened. I will give the show a 2/10 though, mainly due to Yvette Fielding deciding to become a Communist dictator.

Review by Jon Donnis.

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1 comment:

L Simon said...

When Yvette asks the ghost to show itself and they get two knocks (for yes) she points at the cameraman’s feet to indicate the sounds came from there, then when Karl points high up and past the cameraman claiming that is where the sounds came from, she suddenly changes her story and agrees with him!

We are next treated to another Wii-G© session and you can clearly see Karl shifting his weight when each knock is heard. In fact he practically dictates the message as he constantly corrects Yvette and Glen when they don't hear the knocks.

When Fred, Karl and Yvette are in the cellar and they hear the loud smash, isn’t it interesting that it takes Karl twenty-seconds to travel the five meters to reach the door that opens onto the long corridor? Although the team claim that the noise was caused by this door slamming, it sounded more like a metal panel being thrown on the ground, which is coincidently what is lying on the floor directly in front of this door. In fact, if you replay the scene, just after the crash you can hear the dull thud of a door closing, as though someone threw the metal panel through the open door and it closed behind them as they retreated down the long corridor. Now I know this is completely irrelevant, but later in the episode Yvette forces Karl to reveal that Stuart is on his lone vigil at the end of that long corridor, when she suggests they go and film down there.

Still standing at the door Karl claims to hear another door bang in the room they have just left, but it sounds exactly like someone wobbling the metal panel by his feet. Karl is getting carried away with this, he thinks it makes for great evidence, but Yvette doesn't agree and she whispers to him to keep still, because she realises it is too blatant for even Most Haunted fans to accept.

Yet more huge deflections on Karl’s camera when he and Yvette start hearing footsteps in the cellar machine room as they talk about monks.

Right before the large metal pipe is thrown for the second time Greg props it against a chair that is to the right of the entrance tunnel. After some faff, he then bizarrely films himself walking backwards into the adjacent room which is just to the left of the entrance tunnel, ensuring the camera never films down it. Just as he enters the room a shuffling sound and metallic clink can be heard, which sounds like someone retrieving the pipe from the chair. When all hell breaks loose, Greg looks first towards the doorway through which he has just entered, and then to the floor (where the metal pipe is rolling to a stop), suggesting the pipe was thrown through this doorway. By the time Greg extracts himself from the alcove he has cowered in, the culprit is long gone.

As Stuart approaches the room where the table will be “flipped” he seems to dip the camera low to the ground. On the wall to the left of the doorway is some kind of electrical box that is about two to three feet off the ground, but as he reaches it the box only fills the top right half of the screen, which means Stuart must be holding the camera level with his thighs! Then there is a loud bang which sounds exactly like someone hitting a metal box. I think Stuart holds the camera with his left hand with arm fully outstretched, then reaches up with his right to slap the top of the metal box, with the resulting shockwave being faithfully translated through the camera lens. And sorry, Stuart, but the viewer can pinpoint where the sound is coming from, even if you can’t.

Through the door is a pile of wooden tiles with what seem to be a couple of small bricks on top, which is to the right of the doorway that leads into the small room where the table is flipped. Stuart dutifully begins his investigation of the table flip, during which he backs out of the small room to aimlessly film the ceiling for a couple seconds, at which point he happens to be standing right next to the wooden tiles. Stuart then re-enters the small room with the flipped table and shortly afterwards a small brick is thrown near him. Now, that has to be paranormal!

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