21 October 2018

REVIEW: Most Haunted - Series 22 Episode 03 (21st October 2018) - Bate Inn - Part One


Well I managed to avoid watching the first two episodes of what is inconceivably the 22nd series of Most Haunted, and I have little interest watching them. HOWEVER I have decided to give episode 3 a go since it is airing tonight and I have a few hours spare (and it is only 45 minutes long). So yes I am back, and this is my newest review of
MOST HAUNTED OFF CAMERA!

Cue music.

And begin.

BLURB
Yvette and the team travel to the oldest pub in Macclesfield, famous for ghost stories and strange occurrences. Whatever is there makes itself known quickly and violently.

Well this episode is at the Bate Inn in Macclesfield, a place I have actually frequented many a time in the past as a drinker. SPOILER ALERT it is NOT Haunted.



I want to make it very clear, this disclaimer that appears at the start of every episode is due to a ruling by OFCOM that stated that Most Haunted is NOT a serious investigation. It is a spoof, it is for fun, it is not real, it is edited, scenes will be staged and so on. However with that said I have to write my reviews in a certain style that is aimed at people who do not understand this, who do not get that the show is faked, is just entertainment, sadly a lot of people still think the show is real. Yes grown adults, people who have jobs and children actually think this is all real, and to them I feel pity. But I hope upon reading my reviews you will not only laugh, you will also understand what is really going on.


Great to see the welcome return of the most credible member of the Most Haunted crew, the legendary Watson! - Follow him on Twitter at @WatsonMHBulldog

He often reveals some behind the scenes gossip.

They show some highlights of the episode, and sadly it seems like it is the same old crew, and bunch of fakers. I had heard rumours that the First Lady of Most Haunted the great Mel Crump was returning. I can only hope, but alas I suspect my hopes will be dashed, much like when Watson thought he was getting a real steak for his dinner, but instead got some nasty Turkey Steak stick.

Carrying on from one of last seasons methods, they are now showing "ghostly" footage supposedly from before the investigation has begun. The idea here is that they want the viewer to believe these ghostly events happen all the time and not just when they start filming, this is to further push against accusations of fraud, now the fact that they are still filming, and as usual everything happens OFF CAMERA, it seems that the believers still take this as evidence that it is all real, so as soon as the episode starts we see Yvette running through her opening speech and there is suddenly a bang OFF CAMERA.

Reminder, EVERYONE on that crew and there is easily 10+ members, all have smart phones, those smart phones all have decent cameras, and all could be plugged in and left to record, so any idea that they do not have enough cameras to cover every area is utter nonsense.

"Stu have you got that up there on that camera?"

So yes Stuart is alone upstairs exactly where the bang happened, and of course he did NOT have it on camera.

Despite it being in the middle of the day and clearly light outside they still have the black and white filters on to give the impression of night vision, remember we are supposed to believe that none of this was set up, the filming proper hadn't started and they were just running through Yvette's opening speech.


This in itself would be enough to tell even a low IQ person that the show is faked and set up.

We get an early shot by Stuart that showed the room was empty, and that the wooden plated that Yvette is holding in the shot above was thrown there. I wonder by who? A ghost? A Stuart? A pretend Samurai who was humiliated after being exposed by actual Japanese experts?

Who knows, maybe Watson threw it.

Before you know it something else is thrown from up above, exactly where Stuart is, and of course it is OFF CAMERA. After just one item was thrown any real investigator would position 5 cameras in that exact area covering all angles. Instead the Most Haunted crew do nothing.

If you were wondering why so many episodes are now in 2 or 3 parts this is purely a budgetary issue. UKTV pay pennies for each episode, so it makes sense for MH to try and get as much footage out of a location as possible. It also means they only have to pay crew for one nights work and then get two episodes out of it.

Last I heard UKTV only pay about £5000 for an episode, in TV terms this really is peanuts.

Watson is by the door, he clearly wants to go outside for a dump or a pee, but instead of letting him out, Yvette is claiming he is scared and wants to leave.

They are really dragging out this opening shot. So far they have got 10 minutes out of this. And nothing has been caught on camera, Stuart threw a wooden plate, and there have been a few bangs.

Yvette finally gets through her opening piece to camera, and starts her next piece, and now a bulb has been thrown OFF CAMERA. Stuart is busy tonight.


Yvette claims that because Watson wanted to go outside that means they are in for one hell of a night.

Now a ball has rolled down the stairs OFF CAMERA.

If any of you thought they would have any new ideas you are sorely mistaken.


We get an interview with the Landlady who tells a bullshit story, claims she was strangled by a ghost, but if you listen clearly to her when she tells the story she didn't even notice when it happened! And only realise after when someone told her she had some marks on her neck.


She is a nice enough woman, but clearly she is telling porkies here in the hope other idiot Ghost groups will pay to investigate the place, and even help boost tourism.

Just for a moment imagine her story was true and she had been strangled by a ghost, would she stay there? or would she quit, and leave straight away?

I think you can figure out the truth here using common sense.


With nearly 18 minutes wasted, they now bring Glen on the show, as usual he is looking very smug, but he does not have his hands in his pockets, instead here he is gesturing towards Yvette's bosom, why? Only he knows.


CORRECTION:
Glen has his hands in his pockets.

Glen and Yvette has now seen a shadow but they think it is a ghost, of course it is all OFF CAMERA.

Of course we now hear that there was a witch that was hanged on the top of the staircase. Well of course there is. Any old haunted location must have a witch story attached to it.

Yvette is being a tad skeptical here, which leads me to believe other ghost groups have investigated here and made some claims, and Yvette wants to put them down.

Yvette and Glen's conversation isn't half dragging. There is so much filler in this show. Realistically this could all be condensed into 25 minutes.

Remember that little ball, it has just come down the stairs again, do you think they left a camera to film it? No of course they didn't, that would be basic investigating protocol. So yet again it happens OFF CAMERA and leaves us with ZERO evidence.

Now Yvette decides they need to put a camera on the ball. A bit late now. (Spoiler, the ball doesn't move again this episode)


Great to see Lou, if only briefly, she is no Melanie Crump but she is still more credible than almost everyone else on the show (except Watson)

Special shout out goes to Lou's bum bag.

We then hear a faint squeeky fart. Yvette desperate to cover it up claims it was a child screaming, we then get endless replays of the fart. This is "Evidence"

Suggestion to any Ghost Hunters. wear soft slippers on investigations that make little to no noise when you walk. Instantly you can then dismiss those involved if you hear hard footed footsteps.

Yvette is now quietly singing a nursery rhyme. Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, she has clearly convinced herself (according to the script) that the ghosts are children and she is running with it.

Glen is now whispering the song too. I don't really get any of this. 

Yvette is asking the ghost child questions, and the child is answering back by banging Stuart's foot OFF CAMERA! Apparently the child is naughty.

Suddenly something is thrown and hits Karl on the back of his head. unfortunately he is still conscious.


There is no lump, no mark, no blood.
Yvette decides to shout at the ghost who threw it.
We then get an insight into what Yvette sounds like when shouting at her own kids. Those poor kids.

"Bet you think that's funny dont you?" - Yvette Fielding to the ghosts.

All the ghosts in unison reply
"Yes, yes we do"

Yvette claims Karl has a lump on his head the size of an egg.
There is no lump.

You will also notice that a crew member who is usually behind the scenes will NEVER get hit with anything. It will always be someone who is in the inner circle, usually Karl or Stuart.

Clearly the ghosts are well aware of the modern lawsuit and health and safety rules and don't want ANTIX to get sued, so pick their targets carefully.


You know when you are about to do an epic fart and you try to get everyone's attention so they can all hear it.

The team now split up, so that further shenanigans can occur.

Watson has smartly buggered off, he is so tired of this crap.

Remember the whole idea of bringing him on the show was to show how a dog and it's impressive senses would pick up on things humans couldn't. The fact Watson doesn't give a shit and does nothing, proves there are no ghosts present.


We hear a faint sound, could be anything, remember this pub is on a main road. Noises could be anything from people outside, to a cat whimpering.

Yvette then hums, and claims she could hear a child humming.

We cross to Karl who is in the cellar on his own.

He hears a noise, keep in mind he is in the cellar of a pub, any noises could easily be put down to a rat etc.
We hear some sounds by one of the barrels. Again could easily be a rat, or even Karl himself, or something added in post production.

Glen is in the bar trying to pick up EVP (Waste of time, evidentially worthless etc)
If I was him I would pull a pint and relax since the Bate Inn is NOT haunted.

Thankfully the episode ends, with Part 2 airing next week I expect lots of things to be thrown off camera, and no actual evidence to be found.

This was a poor episode.
Summary:
Good - Lou made an appearance and showed off her bum bag. And Watson had a mooch about and did nothing.

Bad - Everything else.

Awful episode.
If you read this, don't waste your time watching.
I give this episode a 1/10 (That's half for Lou and half for Watson.


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By Jon Donnis

3 comments:

Unknown said...

Congratulations on the wise decision not to watch the As Live. Several glasses of wine wasn't enough to dull Yvette's hysterics and the fake fights with Karl...

Oldschool mac said...

I've missed these reviews 😂

L Simon said...

I found it very spooky that just before the candle stick was thrown over Yvette’s head she happened to glance up in that direction. It is almost as if she had a premonition that something would be heading her way so she needed to be ready to duck should the ghost’s throwing accuracy be slightly off. Now, such a heavy object crashing within feet of you would tend to instil a sense of immediate threat, but Yvette remains in the same place and calmly describes the incident form her perspective, claiming she was blinded to the projectile’s origin by the lighting rig. Her casual attitude can be explained away by her years of ghosts hunting experience informing her that such a strong physical manifestation of a ghost’s power would have totally drained it of energy, so the danger had passed. But Watson, being just a stupid dog, doesn’t have this deeper understanding so when heavy objects are thrown in his immediate vicinity he removes himself from the area as soon as possible, and won't be lured back by any means.
The incident with the ball was also creepy. Just before Karl catches it slowly rolling down the stairs, I could swear an apparition flashed by the camera from the direction of the ball and fled down the stairs. But this wasn't picked up by any of the crew! This might be the most important evidence that Most Haunted have ever caught, and they have all missed it! However, when I watched the clip back in slow motion (this was the only way to understand what I was seeing) the apparition turned out to be Stuart! But was it he? Or was it his doppelgänger, the one captured in its stone tape emanation form in a previous episode? I’m leaning toward the latter, based primarily on its desperate aversion to being filmed.
And what of the thumping footsteps and Yvette’s desperate struggle with the perpetrator that came after? Truly terrifying, I was reminded of a scene from the Exorcist. Never again do I wish my senses assailed by the sights and sounds of a soul in such utter turmoil. I didn’t want to see but was unable to look away, or even stop my ears against the desperate spectacle; because what is revealed at the very end, when the struggle is finally over and the gibbering cacophony has dissipated, may be something earth shattering.
But wait, the horror hasn't finished: we are now with Karl, alone in the dark dank spirit cellar, and the ghosts are banging loudly on the beer barrels in order to slightly perturb him. The ghosts are playing tricks with the sound track too so that Karl appears foolish. “Why are you going in that direction, Karl," they titter to themselves, “when the noise came from where you were standing?” “Don't you understand how stereo sound works?” Those mischievous little pranksters!

A truly diabolical episode…

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