16 May 2017
Review: Most Haunted Series 5 (or 19) Episode 6 (The Ripon Workhouse in Yorkshire) - REALLY to air Friday 19th May, 10pm
Welcome to my latest review of Most Haunted, a show so bad that Antix Productions literally have to pay the media to cover it! Also in other news.....
And lets get on with things, first up we have to untie that spunk ridden blart sock and have a good old look at the blurb.
"Hunting the haunted with Yvette Fielding! The Ripon Workhouse in Yorkshire is said to be teeming with undead souls, one of which seems to be following the team around... "
The first shot of the night and Yvette is walking into the Ripon Workhouse, and they have forgotten to edit out her sighs of boredom! Really, watch it, and listen! So funny.
We get a nice little voice over covering the history of the Workhouse as well as some bizarre stock video footage from old workhouses, mixed in with some of Karl's dodgy camera work.
3 minutes in and I am already starting to think of ways to amuse myself.
Even this model in the Workhouse has had enough of Most Haunted, and he isn't even a real person.
We get a quick interview with a random stoner they found on the streets, sorry I mean "Museum Volunteer David Ault", and much like last weeks Jane woman, who it was claimed was a legit witness, but was really a wannabe paranormal investigator with ties to the location, David Ault is actually an actor and even sells a 30 minute audio ghost tour of the event! Wonder how much he got paid for his appearance, if at all? He is also an astrophysicist too apparently.
He is annoyingly likeable, especially as I like to hate everyone, I think he could easily replace someone like Glen who really is a waste of space on the show. But then again those in the know understand why he is really there.
So far no sign of Watson the MH Bulldog. I am guessing he didn't get the call to appear this week.
Before the investigation has started they are already hearing noises from the floor, the fact that there is at least 7 grown adults in the room as part of the crew, makes this whole segment pointless. Especially as it is revealed right after that there are two staff members also present at the location.
Even Glen says that he is excited, despite the fact this is just normal floor board creaking noises due to the amount of people, as well as taps that could be coming from anywhere and anyone.
We then have a ridiculous situation whereby Yvette then Glen hold fingers up to Stuart and ask the ghost to tap out how many fingers are showing.
Still no sign of Watson, so I will assume he is not on the show this week. And that is another reason for you not to watch.
Funny how every time there is a tapping noise, someone has their hands in their pocket. I am sure that is just a coincidence, and not someone making that noise, but then again when you have nearly a dozen people on an investigation, including actors, and staff members who lets be honest want the place to appear haunted as it helps their visitor numbers, can you trust anything you see and hear?
Right after the above shot, there is a squeeking sound, which instantly stops after Karl takes his hand out of his pocket.
Next they move to a room and a light fixture is swinging, Stuart says it must be the ghost children, although funnily enough you would only be able to reach the light if you were an adult man as Karl then demonstrates. No camera footage shown either from CCTV or anywhere else to show the light start moving, therefore its pointless evidence, as anyone off camera could have done it and then hid.
Next a noise is heard, again off camera, they go investigate and it is a brush of some kind.
Again any CCTV in the location would have picked it up, but we never see such footage, I wonder why.
Stuart proudly states that no human could have thrown the brush, it is impossible he says.
We not if someone did it who was stood right there, and then hid immediately after.
You would think that if you were getting things thrown in every investigation you do, you would invest in say 20 go-pro cameras, and just place them all around. Yet they never do that, I wonder why.
21 minutes into the episode and so far we have had.....
a brush thrown - Off Camera
a light fixture swung - Off Camera
faint taps and noises - evidentially worthless due to lack of controls.
So that is 21 minutes wasted when it comes to paranormal research, well 21 minutes and the previous 18 and a half series of Most Haunted. Funny how no mention of Stuart and his cut face from last week. Guessing they saw the replays and realised he just tripped over.
I hear that locations have to sign legal documents stating they have to turn off CCTV for any Most Haunted investigation, as well as non disclosure agreements, meaning they cannot reveal anything they see.
Yvette asks the spirits to make a noise with their voice, and then hears a growl that is clearly Glens stomach, but he denies it, even though the replay shows him grimmace at the exact moment of the growl.
Thats the exact moment Glen does a belly fart. We get 4 replays of this, no joke 4 replays of Glen's stomach rumbling.
We cut back to Karl, Stuart and Fred, and they hear another noise........ OFF CAMERA, this time a Green piece of soap as been thrown.
Just consider this for a moment, a ghost supposedly has the ability to pick up a physical object the size and weight of a piece of hard soap, but can only do it in the dark and off camera. Why are believers not suspicious? Why do they take such things as proof?
It looks like we might be about to go a bit old school!
Yvette asks the ghosts to push the table, but nothing is happening, its a pretty big table so without a proper gimmick (rod attached to someones arm) I doubt it will move. And it doesn't so they move on. Perhaps Yvette thought it would be easier to push. We know she has been caught pushing tables back in the old days with Derek Acorah.
This is a boring episode, I am warning you. 30 minutes in now, and the cameraman is making clicking noises with his mouth
So pretty much this is the routine of Most Haunted.
"Was that you?"
Must be a ghost.
We have had Glens stomach rumble and Greg clear his throat, both being used as evidence of ghosts.
These three idiots are now at the table. Nothing happens at the table, Stuart gets up, something is thrown OFF CAMERA, they look about, find nothing.
I wish my girlfriend looked at me the way Glen looks at Yvette.
More science as they have now pulled out a "Hasbro" Ouija board and Yvette is pointing at letters hoping for taps. Meanwhile someone else is listening out for EVPs.
As Yvette is spelling out this dead ghost's name, we are shown a replay of a whistling sound, which is blatently just someone's nose making a whistling sound, probably the cameraman.
So thats a nose whistle, Glen's stomach and Greg clearing his throat. All claimed to be proof of the paranormal.
You could instantly add some credibility to this whole charade if you blind folded yvette while she was scanning her finger over the Ouija board, but no that would mean doing things properly, as opposed to Yvette just remembering something she looked up before they started filming, at least Derek Acorah would put on some kind of performance for his blatant cheating.
Fred has found the name of Henry Lupton in his book which matches perfectly what Yvette had been spelling out on the Ouija board. I imagine many eyes will roll at home during this scene.
They play back a noise from the EVP which is supposed to be "Henry", cant hear it myself.
Yvette claims what they just got with the Ouija Board is "jaw dropping", yet bizarrely they all forgot to act surprised and excited and instead are all a bit bored sounding.
And then the episode ends quite abruptly. Although we do get this hilarious shot of someone falling over on the next episode.
Cant quite see who it is, but it must be Stuart.
Anyway it is another episode without a single piece of evidence. No Watson. No big stunt.
Total waste of time. I will give this episode a Minus 4/10, so that is worse than a 0/10
Truly awful uneventful pathetic desperate episode.
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By Jon Donnis