Warning, this article contains major spoilers! Do not read on, although you really want to know if Watson has been fired yet don't you!?
So late last night a courier named Suki dropped off a jiffy bag marked "For Jon's Eyes Only - The Most Haunted Mole", inside was a VHS tape! Now for people under 35, a VHS tape, is an old kind of recording device, but it had moving parts, and actually existed in the real world!
Here is a photo of what I received, and again let me state this as strongly as I can, Karl Beattie is NOT the Most Haunted Mole.
Looks like the mole recorded the episode over an old "For Dummies" VHS tape, no idea who would need to pretend to be a Samurai, how very bizarre!
Anyway lets get the Blurb over with quickly.
Friday 21st April, 10pm
Wentworth Woodhouse Stable Block
Yvette and Karl are the first team to ever be allowed into the very haunted Wentworth Woodhouse Stable Block. Do they catch a ghost on camera? No of course not, don't be silly. Watson sees something, and does dog stuff, and the team see someone who couldn’t possibly have been there, but clearly he was so they will try and claim it was a ghost.
Before I even press play on my old dusty VCR, I want to answer the question from the blurb, "Do they catch a ghost on camera?" The answer is no.
Also let me say thank you to all the lovely feedback I received from my review of Episode 1. I do appreciate it, and it encouraged me not to slit my wrists and make the effort to write this review of episode 2.
Ok onto the show, fingers crossed for more of the dog and less of the screaming rabid creature.
Now if I recall rightly Most Haunted have already investigated Wentworth Woodhouse a couple of seasons ago. They never found anything then, but clearly Wentworth Woodhouse needs some more publicity to get numbers up, so rang up the Scooby Gang in the hope they would give them some new tourists.
This time they will investigate a stable block, I can feel your excitement from here.
Lets start with some good news as Watson is back!
Since these episodes have not aired on TV yet, Yvette hasn't realised that Watson is already way more popular than her, so she has no reason to fire him yet.
Glen is also back, and he is still smirking, but more importantly is rocking the "thumbs in the pockets" look. Psychologists say that this is a sign of extreme confidence, as his fingers are pointing towards his groin! So what I am saying is that Glen has a huge donkey penis, which would explain his constant smirk. That or he has cold thumbs.
They now enter a derelict squash court, whats the betting we get a bouncing squash ball later thrown by K̶a̶r̶l̶ ̶o̶r̶ ̶S̶t̶u̶a̶r̶t̶ a ghost.
Next Karl introduces us to Gort! No that is not his nickname for Yvettes Lady Garden, although you could be forgiven for thinking that. No it stands for Ghost observing robotic tracker! Which is basically a GoPro camera stuck on a remote control car.
Karl claims it is fully automated, so basically whatever it does they will put down to the ghosties! It doesn't half make a lot of noise driving about. I'm guessing it lasts one episode, then they realise it is crap and gets chucked in the bin with Stuart's wig.
Stuart and Karl separate from the rest of the team. Have you ever noticed how perfectly round Stuart's head is?
Yvette is off with the rest of the gang, and Watson, who as usual looks like he cant be arsed.
Noticed how Fred is covering his groin area, almost like he is trying to hide something. I wonder what psychologists would say that is a sign of.
Stuart and Karl are hearing things, the amount of loose stuff about, every step is making noise, and easy to kick things to make noises.
Did the MH gang ever try putting heart beat monitors on, and put an on screen graphic showing them? I am sure that is a gimmick they should try, if only to keep the idiots at home who think it is all real happy.
Watson is still doing nothing, but Yvette is desperately trying to claim him doing nothing is proof of a ghost stroking him.
You can make of this photo what you will, but I will say that is Yvette, and that is NOT Karl.
Apparently a chair moves on its own, but of course it is not caught on camera!
Karl and Stuart are fascinated by a locked door and noises they claim are coming from it. But of course nothing happens on camera. GORT?
Yvette catches Watson looking at something. Most likely a mouse, or a insect.
He does not bark, does not chase after anything, just having a look. He even yawns. He is a dog doing dog stuff. But if you believe Yvette you would think he is having a full on late brunch with the ghosties!
We then get a good 5 minutes of the camera filming Watson standing still. No barking, no reaction, just Watson chilling out doing nothing. And this is clear proof of ghosts apparently.
Stuart sees someone in the distance and chases after them, we don't see anyone of course until the replay.
After 25 minutes of the episode we are told that Watson is "tired" and they have put him to bed! No joke! The single most interesting member of the team and they bench him cause he cant be arsed to play games.
Stuart admits that he saw a physical person and not a ghost, although they cant find them. Stuart seems genuine pissed off that he saw someone. I wonder if they knew that the owners of Wentworth Woodhouse had got someone to cause trouble, so that MH would report on it.
Now Yvette is claiming to have seen a shadow and thinks there is someone there causing trouble. Hmmm. Usually when things happen they instantly say it must be a ghost. I wonder if because none of them are faking it they realise it must be someone not connected to the crew. If that doesn't give the game away to viewers then nothing will. Perhaps this is also reason why Watson was put to bed, as they didn't want him to bite some student employed by Wentworth Woodhouse to fake activity.
After some discussion they have now decided that they have both (Yvette and Karl/Stuart) seen a solid manefestation of a ghost.
We get to see a replay from K/S and it is clearly a bloke. Most likely Glen since he is the only one who is supposedly off on his own.
As they talk about it more, they are really trying to claim it is a ghost.
They are now going to try and talk to this ghost.
"Make a noise with your voice" Yvette asks.
Which is still the dumbest thing she has ever said.
Yvette farts and Fred claims he can smell Sulphur! This scene is screaming for someone to add some classic fart sound effects. It is well recorded that Yvette has had stomach issues and has farts that stench like the breath of Satan himself.
We then hear a really strange wooshing noise.
Yvette says it sounds like a window being pulled down.
They then investigate, but things are being thrown. Again nothing on camera. I am guessing here it is Karl or Stuart giving us something to end the episode with.
A really annoying part of this new series is that they have to show endless replays of the same event over and over, despite the vast majority of things not being caught on camera.
I am not really sure of the purpose of having Glen on the show, I understand he is billed as the skeptic, but he doesn't give any skeptical opinions, or do anything.
All this throwing of things, noises and so on, its almost like they knew it would happen, so put Watson to bed so he wouldn't give the game away again. Afterall if you are going to throw bits of wood, stones etc around, the last thing you want is a dog about that will chase after them and return them to who threw them.
And with that being the end of the episode, we are shown the video of who I believe was Glen just walking in the background. And we are told it is the most groundbreaking footage they have ever caught.
And for anyone keeping track, we never heard anything more about GORT. Not a mention, nothing at all!
The episode is entertaining, and for that I will give it a good 4/10, would have got a higher score if Watson hadn't been thrown in the van and kept off the investigation.
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And whatever you do, don't let the hematophagous arthropods bite. Because if you do you might catch leprosy, Q-fever, oriental sores and/or brucellosis
By Jon Donnis