5 October 2014

TV REVIEW Most Haunted Episode 10/10 (Saltmarsh Hall, Yorkshire) LAST IN SERIES - REALLY

Well its finally here, the last episode in the series of Most Haunted and potentially the last ever episode, with the ratings dropping, thousands of people switching off, could this be the last we will ever see of Most Haunted? Have ANTIX finally ringed the last drop of blood out of this stone? We know that the online version failed miserably, and UKTV only gave ANTIX a measly £5000 for the rights to show the series, so unless a miracle happens this will probably be the end.

So lets enjoy this final episode.

Most Haunted has failed with pretty much everything they have tried on this new version of the show, well all except one thing, that being the emergence of the now legendary Melanie Crump, to say a star has been born is a vast understatement. And despite the jealousy, the talking behind her back and so on, Melanie Crump has stood tall and come out of this series as the only credible character.

"Whatever it is, it's coming up the corridor" - Karl Beattie

This episode is the second part of the investigation into Saltmarsh Hall, Yorkshire, the first part was insanely boring and predictable, so I am hoping they saved extra fakery for this final episode in the hope that they may get a ratings boost with it being the final episode, and perhaps encourage UKTV to pay for another series or even the rumoured "movie length" version.

Quick update on Melanie Crump, she is wearing a nice tight denim pair of jeans, to go with her brown coat and green scarf, on any normal woman this wouldn't work, but on Mel it just all gels together.

As soon as the investigation starts Yvette hears a noise, Fred Batt is already getting a lot of screen time, and why not! He has paid for this nonsense you know!

Karl is wearing his ANTIX branded Leather Jacket again, I am sure he thinks he looks like the Fonz, but alas he doesn't.

Yvette declares "If I didn't know I had to come back here, there is no way I would come back here!"

As usual Yvette uses such incredible logic.

Quick reminder that there is no such thing as ghosts so any fear in such locations is completely irrational.

There is some knocking from the floor, the spirits (Stuart) are making their presence known.

Great to see Melanie Crump always aware of where the camera is, that is the sign of a true professional.

Just put this show into perspective for a moment, you have 6+ people in a room, listening to knocks on the floor and trying to work out what the spirits (that do not exist) are trying to say. And people at home are watching this and class it as entertainment! I wonder sometimes who is worst, the idiots on the show, or the people watching!?

As Fred goes first through a door and suddenly (off camera) a door handle is thrown (or dropped) sending Yvette into a panic of screaming, surely she knows it is Fred who dropped the Door Handle?

The team have a coffee break and leave Karl on his own with his camera, we then are presented with a few minutes of Karl filming his own face while we hear some footsteps.He puts the camera down and we get possibly my favourite shot of the series!

The footsteps are getting closer, Karl is breathing heavy, and is doing his best acting to date.

Now why would a ghost make footstep noises? They are a ghost, they have no physical body. Of course the gullible out there don't even consider that do they.

We now have a few minutes of Karl saying "crying out loud" while filming an empty corridor.

Still we can hear the ghosts (Stuarts) footsteps, but of course nothing is shown on camera, just lots of filming of his own face, until he finally decides to run away like a little girl! Well done Karl you big numpty!

Karl unscrews a panel, Yvette is literally pissing herself with excitement, and behind the panel is a corridor with some rubble. That's it. They then climb through the hole and get into the corridor that apparently no one has been in, in decades!

But the best moment is when Fred is struggling to climb up through the hole and we get this wonderful shot of Melanie Crump! Please take a moment to enjoy!

At this moment I would like to officially nominate Melanie Crump for the 2015 Rear of the Year trophy!


I hate to spoil this for everyone, but there is a thing in TV called Health and Safety, basically EVERYTHING has to go through compliance officers, as if someone was to get hurt, there could be a lawsuit. So when they say they are the first people in decades to enter this corridor this is a lie, they would have had a safety officer, possible even someone from the fire service check everything first.

Ok back to the investigation and we have a genuine Most Haunted worlds first, as they catch on camera an actual dead creature! unfortunately it is just the skeleton of a dead bird, but come on guys, get excited, other than Fred Batts personality, this is the first actual dead thing they have ever filmed!

So from the perfect arse of Melanie Crump to a dead bird, the good and the bad all in a matter of a minute!

I am expecting Stuart to fall at some point as been a while since he done a good stunt.

Worth also mentioning that I am missing the Chelsea v Arsenal game to do this review and I am also getting distracted by hunger pains, I've got a nice Chicken Souvlaki to cook and eat downstairs. Ok 15 more minutes, pull it together Jon, you can survive until then.

If Derek Acorah was on this show, he would have had at least 3 possessions by now, oh how I miss that Scouser master!

Anyway sodall happens so they start to exist the area through the hole, and we get this nice shot of Yvette.

And suddenly I am no longer hungry, Chicken Souvlaki goes in the bin, and I will have to eat later tonight instead as cant stomach anything now! Why couldn't they have filmed Mel coming down instead, now that would have been proper TV Gold!

They are now investigating another area, something gets thrown near Stuart and Karl, surprise surprise.

Suddenly a pool ball is filmed rolling on the floor, of course we never see the start of the roll, and as expected from by Karl. We then get a few groans, probably the collective sound of everyone watching.

This really is a disappointing ending to the series, just so mind-numbing and predictable, its the same old stuff over and over again. Even Melanie Crump cant save this show.

Yvette tells Karl she has had enough, she is worried someone is going to get hurt and wants to end the investigation. Stuart interrupts her saying he can hear a womans voice and talking, so they go down the corridor to have a look. Of course the idea it might be an echo doesn't cross anyone's mind, but then you need to have a mind to think of such bloody obvious things.

The show basically ends, we get another monotone analysis from Bret the Hitman Hart or John Callow as he is known by his friends.

And after a quick recap of the nights silliness, we are done.

Let us all forget this nonsense, and remember that at the very least we got a great shot of Melanie Crump's perfect arse.

Well that is it from me, you can follow me on Twitter @JonDonnis and also send me all your abuse there!

By Jon Donnis

Most Haunted
Last In Series
Thursday 16th October, 10pm
S1 E10/10. Saltmarsh Hall, Yorkshire

Yvette Fielding and the crew continue to explore Saltmarshe Hall in Yorkshire for more ghostly goings on in the last episode of the series. The owner of the 19th century Salthmarshe Hall is too afraid to walk through the house alone, which is not surprising after last week’s investigation, which saw Karl and Stuart running back through the abandoned cellar corridors in terror.

This week, Yvette and the gang continue to venture into rarely used areas of the big, old house, possibly sensing more supernatural behaviour and exposing lost souls that perhaps should have remained hidden in the house’s creepy corridors.


Anonymous said...

Hilarious review & with those pictures Jon.

Changed "stones" to "conkers". Sounds more fitting for Stuart & the other one. :)


Have ANTIX finally ringed the last drop of blood out of this stone?

I don't know. There's still a lot of mugs out there internationally. Didn't one of them move over from the US to marry Stuart? Harsh but honest.

Msg to Antix: You purposely exposed yourselves as frauds (really didn't need to). Why not go one step further by producing a brand new series, "Breaking Most "Haunted"'s Code: Revealed" showing the audience all your parlour ticks since the horseplay started. Include a few new segments featuring Stuart & Karl prancing around a venue (in need of publicity) each with a bag of conkers & few spoons for good measure, but use locked-off cameras so we get to see the buffoons in action this time (reminds me of a bad Police Academy movie).

As well as the other creatures of the night including the lovely historian who looked a bit like Dracula at times (Derby GAOL), why not bring back the showman as well. Apologise to him (& Sam) on air for having the audacity to call him a fraud. It's like a mugger shouting out "stop, you bad person" to another mugger.

Granted, watching that we'd still be looking & feeling like Ebola Zombies in no time but this way you could still milk a few more quid from the udder of the poor old cow.

Speaking of Yvette, your stench is worse than the local Jobcentre Plus!

You might as well get used to compacting down & chuck the Most Haunted masters in the fireplace to keep warm this winter (or Karl could eat them) because not even ShowcaseTV would wanna buy the rights with their budget of £2.50.

Your "Paranormal" renamed "Unexplained" renamed "What A Load Of Shit" Channel didn't last long did it?

Don't come back now.

Unknown said...

I'd love it when Yvette screams .what the he'll was that did you hear it...it goes quiet and Karl farts again

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