28 September 2014

TV REVIEW Most Haunted Episode 7/10 (Ye Old King's Head - Chester)

"You don't like women do you"

No Yvette the spirits like women, it's just they don't like!

Yes we are back with another rip roaring, exciting, excellent episode of Scooby Doo! Hang on just been told the Scooby Doo review is off, and instead I am being forced to review Most Haunted by the bosses at BadPsychics Towers! Well thanks guys, I was really looking forward to Scooby Doo, well Most Haunted is close enough, they both go in search of ghosts, and it always ends up being a villain behind the paranormal activity, so Karl or Stuart then!

So this week Scooby and the Gang, sorry I mean Yvette and the Numpties are in Ye Olde Kings Head, Chester, yep they are in a pub! Good job Derek Acorah is no longer on the team, as he would have been designated driver tonight and we don't want any more cars in ditches thank you very much.

Yvette claims that not only is the pub extremely old but it is also extremely haunted! Of course that would be exactly what the pub owners would want people to think!

We are told of a ghost dog that prowls the hauls! Hang on this could very well be Scooby Doo!

We are introduced to Harry Achilleos the owner of the pub! Let me start off by apologising on behalf of all Greeks that one of our own is involved in this kind of business. I wonder if this is the same Harry who once claimed to be an astrologer?

Interestingly Harry claims he was a skeptic before he purchased the pub! hmmmm.....

Fred Batt reveals that this pub has 13 ghosts! So many, we are almost guaranteed to have some activity then! And in no way possible will any of the paranormal activity be created by Fred, Stuart or Karl!

Now before the sillyness begins, lets take a moment to recognise and appreciate the greatness and beauty that is Melanie Crump, in this episode of Most Haunted the lovely Mel is wearing a nice tight top, which is a vast improvement over the big coats and scarves she has worn in the last few episode.

Mel has her hair up, now I know many of the Crumpettes (that is what us fans like to refer to ourselves as) prefer her with her flowing locks blowing in the wind, Mel is a professional first, so smart and tidy is what she has gone for today.

In fact there was recently a world wide poll of which the results are below.

Question: Who is more attractive.
1. Yvette Fielding in her most expensive dress, after getting a full makeover.
2. Mel Crump with no makeup on, wearing just a potato sack.
3. Cath Howe after a night on the town with Frank Bruno

1. 2%
2. 95%
3. 3%

I think those results are pretty conclusive, and in no way made up.
(Disclaimer: The above poll is for entertainment purposes only)

Anyway back to the investigation and Karl, Stuart, Fred and Darren are in the cellar, and of course within a minute a stainless steel dog bowl is thrown, of course despite there being 4 people there, and at least 3 cameras, no one of them catches the moment the ghosties throw it! The Most Haunted team really are so unlucky don't you think!

We cross to Mel and Yvette, and damn Mel is looking stunning! Even more so stood next to Yvette, even with a low light source, Mel looks gorgeous, and Yvette looks... Well Yvette looks like Yvette!

I really need to stop getting distracted, but well Mel is the ONLY reason I am watching Most Haunted, and even though the ratings are dropping every week, I am sure a star is born with regards to Mel Crump!

Ok, had a cold shower, bad to the show.

Back to Stuart, Karl and Fred and they are analysing the Dog Bowl incident, and Stuart genuinely says and with a straight face "How the hell did that happen?"

Here is a photo of Stuart filming Karl's groin with his camera, maybe that's some special footage for later.

Did you know there is a fan page for Mel Crump on Facebook? Well go click LIKE on it now! They have some cool exclusives on there.

Anyway the dog bowl gets thrown a few more times, ALWAYS off camera, just consider this for a moment, if this was real it would rewrite the laws of physics, science would change forever, Karl Beattie would go into the history books, probably win a Nobel Prize. EVERYTHING would forever be changed! Yet despite all of this, no one thinks to shove a spare camera in the corner to film the whole room!

Oh and of course it is Stuart who is throwing the dog bowl!

I am genuinely interested to hear from ANYONE who believes the dog bowl was thrown by ghosties after this episode airs on October 2nd! Seriously leave a comment if you do!

Back to Yvette who is filming herself as usual, she is talking about a feeling of her head being pushed down, fingers on the top of her, pushing it down! Now I don't like to cast aspersions but perhaps Karl could be a little more gentle in the bedroom when he wants a blowy, just saying!

Yvette is begging the spirits to lock her and Mel Crump in the room, of course Mel says "please don't" well, I never knew Yvette swung both ways but then Melanie Crump could turn any woman if she wanted!

Did you know that Mel is now referred to simply as "The Body" by the Most Haunted male crew members, of course don't tell Yvette that, we know how jealous she can get.

"WHO ARE YOU? WHO IS THROWING THESE BOWLS?" Asks Stuart. Karl goes to reply but then quickly remembers he is making a TV show, poor Fred he is bankrolling this nonsense I heard!

Karl reveals he is feeling a bit sick and not well at all, so the boys leave the Bowl Throwing Room, and head elsewhere. I'm guess Yvette cooked dinner for the crew!

Lets hope Mel gets a slight fever further on in the episode and has to get down to her bikini to cool down!

Karl starts to freak out while lying on the bed as it starts shaking!

Have you ever noticed that Stuarts head is perfectly round!

That is probably more interesting than every single so called paranormal occurrence in the history of Most Haunted!

"This has to go down in history, and I am being serious when I say this, I wanna go but I wanna stay at the same time because all the shit is going down right now" - Stuart Toreville

Stuart then thanks the spirits for turning the tap on behind his back!

Imagine a world where you are so gorgeous that you cant help but hug yourself! Well imagine no more, that world exists and it is called Melanie Crump!

Sorry distracted again! Anyway for some reason TVs keep turning themselves on, but always in the room next to where the group are, it's almost as if someone set the timers on these TVs to switch on automatically! But why would a ghost learn how to use the Timer setting on a TV?

And eventually they catch a TV coming on, on its own! Wow, it must be the ghosties, as the remote control was left by the TV! And of course there is no way someone would have an identical remote in their pocket which they picked up from the previous room, or even one of those phone apps that can control the TV, or perhaps one of those old TV remote watches! All of these things are impossible, and the only explanation must be that a ghost turned the TV on as he would rather do anything but listen to this bunch of idiots any longer!

Now worth noting there is an edit just before the TV comes on again, and just before it does, Yvette goes on her own to an on-suite bathroom in the room. Thinking she is out of sight, you can just see a movement of her arm, and then this light

A second later the TV comes on. Now anyone with any knowledge of how infra red works, knows that the infra red signal from a remote lights up when a button is pushed, and when it is being filmed by a camera in night vision, so in person it makes no light, but a night vision camera can see it.

Now is this proof that Yvette simply goes into the toilet where no one can see her and switches the TV on? Well you watch it and make up your own mind.

After-all we know that Yvette has been caught cheating before, is this another instance of it?

Stuart then comes up with a good idea, to film with everyone present on camera including the magic TV

And of course nothing happens. So Karl goes into the bathroom, and off camera and low and behold the TV comes on again! And then the TV turns off, again all with Karl hidden in the adjacent bathroom!

This guys and gals is presented by Antix and REALLY TV as evidence of the paranormal!

The funny thing is, as Karl is turning the TV off and on with his hidden remote you can actually see the moment it is about to go off or on, as the little light on the TV flashes as it receives a signal.

To prove his innocence Karl shows his hands, and even declares that if he took one remote control from the other room it wouldn't work on this TV, they then say they will try this later. And of course this is instantly forgotten and never followed up on, which is all you need to know!

This whole TV turning on and off nonsense goes on for a good 10 minutes, nearly as bad as the ridiculous lift scene from a previous episode.

We finish off with a monotone monologue from Dr John Callow as he reads from his script written by Karl Beattie.

Overall the episode is actually quite entertaining which was a nice change, although that might be because Melanie Crump featured quite a bit and kept me distracted from the nonsense.

Anyway will be interesting to see if the ratings continue to slide for Most Haunted, but will be more interesting to see what Melanie Crump is wearing in episode 8, I'm hoping for a nice tight top again but perhaps this time paired up with a nice pencil skirt, and perhaps a return to her hair being let down.

Anyway that is all from me, I hope you enjoyed my review of The Melanie Crump Show, till next time.

By Jon Donnis
Follow me on Twitter @JonDonnis


Most Haunted
Thursday 2nd October, 10pm
S1 E7/10. Ye Olde Kings Head, Chester

Yvette and the team head to Ye Olde Kings Head in Chester, a great British pub known as one of the most haunted places in the world.

The building, named after King Charles I, was built in 1622 and throughout the years it has been host to many powerful and influential inhabitants. Nearly 100 years after being built it became an inn and since then a number of interesting characters have walked through its doors. Could it be that some never left?

13 ghosts allegedly haunt the building, but not all of them are there for the same reason; some wander the rooms in search of help, others are only there to cause harm and wreak havoc in the otherwise peaceful establishment. Reports of poltergeist activities, from messages on mirrors to children’s footsteps in the corridors, mean that this pub is the perfect venue for Yvette and the team to explore on a dark night.

Before the investigation is fully underway numerous strange noises are heard, and Yvette and Mel encounter a presence that may put their lives in danger.


Unknown said...

very funny review, and spot on. if I saw any of those `so called` paranormal activities I'd be dropping the F Bomb.....not our guys, they are using phrases like `good grief` and `holy cow`. really?

Unknown said...

not to mention when Stuart goes into room 6 it says NO on the mirrior below where the girls wrote HELLO

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