10 September 2014

TV REVIEW Most Haunted Episode 5/10 (Delapre Abbey) Celebrity Special!

To air on REALLY - Thursday 18th September, 10pm

Ok, the title is misleading, it is an apparent "Celebrity Edition" and most like the last Celebrity Edition featuring a Welsh rock band that no one had heard of, this time we get 5 Rugby players that no one has heard of (outside of Rugby of course)

This time we are at Delapre Abbey.

The most important thing I need to start off with is the return of the now legendary Mel Crump, the true star of Most Haunted, and the next person odds on to be fired from the show for being more popular than Yvette Fielding!

Now if you haven't already make sure you go like the Mel Crump fan page on Facebook, she wont be around for long so enjoy her while you can.

Sadly Mel Crump's equally gorgeous sister Kim Crump is no where to be seen. Such a shame.

Anyway back to the episode since I have to write about it, we start with pretend demonologist Fred Batt, the most interesting thing about him being his receeding hairline, although I am not one to talk on that subject.

Fred talks and my brain automatically just switches off, it's times like this i really miss Dickie Fingers (Richard Felix), one of the most entertaining and genuinely excitable people I have ever had the pleasure of meeting, much taller in real life too. But unfortunately as we well know if you more popular than Yvette you are soon given your marching orders!

Quick list of people fired for being more popular than Yvette.
Jason Karl
Cath Howe
Richard Felix
Phil Whyman
Dr. Matthew Smith
Lesley Smith

At last Fred has stopped talking so my brain automatically comes back on now, and Yvette is meeting these Rugby Players, I am guessing that the West Bromwich Albion reserve team weren't available!

The investigation begins, I just cant see these Rugby players not getting bored and having some fun. Any-who Yvette starts calling out to the ghosties (which don't exist), a few taps are heard, no sign of Stuart or Karl on camera yet, and more importantly no sign of Mel Crump!

Have you ever noticed how Yvette Fielding talks to the ghosts much like someone would talk to a child.

And a stone is thrown at Mel Crump! If I was her I would report Karl to the police as obviously he was the one who threw it! That is common assault as far as I am concerned!

Here is a picture of the lethal weapon used to try and maim the perfect Mel Crump! How dare they!

Worth noting how after the stone is thrown by Karl, Yvette lets the Rugby players analyse it and gets their reactions, one of the rugby players is clearly pissing himself laughing. 

It does occur to me that yet again I am spending 46 minutes of my life watching grown people wander about in the dark pretending to talk to ghosts. The question then becomes who is truly the idiot? Those partaking in the farce, or those watching? My excuse is I am writing a review for BadPsychics.com so ask yourself what is your excuse!? You could literally be doing anything else and that would be more worthwhile.

Yvette is now whistling at the ghosties and asking them to "touch one of us", good job Cath Howe is not on the show otherwise for sure her backside would have been groped by now, and remember no such thing as ghosts!

Yvette tells us that it is time for a Ouija board next, and that protection has been put in place (Stuart puts a condom on) and that prayers have been said. (To which God though? The Christian God? The Jewish God? The Muslim God?, all really a waste of time since none of them really exist)

So add the green filter to the lens to make it look like night vision and away we go playing a game that has nothing to do with the occult and is owned by Hasbro!

Remember that time when Yvette Fielding got caught blatantly pushing the glass during a Most Haunted Live show cause she forgot to take her glove off? If not you can watch the clip at the following link http://tviscool.com/play.php?vid=173 

Since then, she has never wore gloves while playing push the glass around the table! Funny that!

As expected the glass starts moving around the table instantly, remember folks this doesn't work when people are blindfolded proving 100% that this is faked.

Stuart and Karl are being very suspicious and have mainly stayed off camera for the first 20 minutes, I am sure they will re-appear later on to cause some trouble.

Funny moment where Yvette takes her finger off the glass and lets the rugby players continue to ask questions, the glass of course stops moving completely, she then rejoins and as if by magic the glass starts moving again!

Anyone who thinks that Yvette isn't as big of a faker as Karl and Stuart needs their head examined!

This Ouija board session is really dragging on now, they end up cutting it short claiming that some very personal and emotional information came through and out of respect they are not showing it. hmmmm, why do I doubt that? Anyway the Rugby players have obviously had enough and have now bugger off to the pub and left Yvette and her croneys to continue without them.

The lack of Mel Crump is also very apparent, I am guessing Yvette has personally had her time edited down to a minimum since becoming aware of her popularity. Why they employed someone so much more prettier than Yvette does seem crazy! Perhaps they thought that Most Haunted fans would dislike her because she is pretty, but the opposite has happened.

At long last Karl Beattie and Stuart are off to investigate on their own!
Worth a special note here is Karl's amazing Cardigan!

We now follow the Chuckle Brothers up the stairs into the attic, and within 5 seconds a bang is heard and something is thrown past Stuart! So very predictable, Grandpa Cardigan Karl really needs a new gimmick.

Lots of creaks, bangs, swearing ("Shower of Shit"), threatening of the ghosts, and so on. Seen it a hundred times before.

Please guys, if anyone believes that this stuff is real please leave a comment below in the comments section, I need a good laugh!

Here is the formula for the Karl and Stuart show.
1. Turn camera away
2. Throw stone
3. Turn camera back and film stone

It is so blatant what they do, how they keep straight faces is beyond me.

Let me make this clear if I have no already. Karl Beattie picks up stone, throws it, Stuart films the stone, they both claim it was thrown by ghosts! They have NEVER EVER NOT ONCE NOT EVER caught a stone thrown on video from beginning to end. Don't you think that is a bit suspicious?

I know I am getting annoyed when it is so obviously faked, but when I read on Twitter people acting all scared at watching and tweeting Yvette and Karl and saying how brave they are it makes my stomach turn at the utter stupidity of some people.

I don't blame Karl and Yvette for faking stuff, that is their job, they are making a spoof tv show, it is what they are supposed to do to try and make the show entertaining, but when people believe it is real, I really do despair at humanity, and evolution for creating humans so gullible.

Also worth noting that they haven't mentioned orbs in as long as I can recall. Probably the only good thing.

This was probably the worst show of the series so far, mainly due to a lack of 
Mel Crump, the ridiculous and unbelieving actions of Cardigan Karl and Stuart.

I would advise viewers to not bother watching this episode as nothing of note happens, it is not particularly entertaining, there is very little of the perfect Mel Crump, and the so called celebrities don't really do anything.

All we get is a stone repeatedly thrown by Karl throughout the episode and that is it.

We finish off with Dr. John Callow reading off a script, with his Bret Hart haircut and ridiculous scarf taking more attention than anything he says. I wonder how long before he tries to cash in and releases a book with Yvette, well before you do John ask Ciaran how many copies of his book with Yvette sold, and then maybe you will think again.

Truly awful episode and much like Karl and Yvette's sex life it had no redeeming features at all!

I'm going to watch some paint dry as after watching that anything would seem more entertaining.

Review By Jon Donnis
Follow me on Twitter @JonDonnis


Most Haunted Ep5 (Celebrity Special)
Thursday 18th September, 10pm

Delapré Abbey, or more properly, the Abbey of St Mary de la Pré (The Abbey of St Mary in the Meadow), was an English monastery situated in the meadows of the River Nene to the south of Northampton. It was founded as a monastery of nuns about the year 1145 and belonged to the congregation of the great Abbey of Cluny in Burgundy, France.


Unknown said...

Spot on as usual Jon:) surely not every ghost is a stone thrower?! How they expect to hear anything paranormal with 15 people crammed into a small room is beyond me :/

Unknown said...

Btw are you familiar with the website Derek acorahs psychic ether? Great offers for the totally gullible:/

JD said...

Thanks, remember though the show is a spoof and isn't a real investigation at any level

JD said...

Happy to say I have never heard of it as far as I can recall

Unknown said...

ANYONE claiming to be psychic is in one, or both, of only TWO states.
In any event, they should not be permitted to influence the feeble-minded or vulnerable people who might believe such nonsense!
Whilst they look and sound incredibly stupid to those with more than two firing synapses, one can only assume these thieves make so much money, they simply don’t care.
Trying to con others is one thing but, if you are trying to fool yourself, you need urgent help.
Join the campaign to stop these evil individuals stealing from so many such unfortunate individuals.
(Incidentally, if YOU are one of the many people who genuinely believe in such garbage, I defend your absolute right to believe in whatever nonsense you chose, no matter how stupid. However, it is highly recommended you seek urgent help immediately.)
Email your M.P. and request the issue be raised in parliament to prohibit these thieves from advertising or performing.
If ALL thieves should be imprisoned, why does the government condone this huge (and growing) group of con artists? They should also be imprisoned and their vast profits applied to support victims. Legalised theft!
I have posted the truth everywhere that these con artists should be in PRISON like ANY con artist so isn’t it strange why they never try to sue me if they claim they really possess such a supernatural skill ? !

JD said...

Ways to stop a psychic.
Report them to HMRC/Taxman if you can catch them taking cash in hand payments for readings etc.

Because they work legally as an act much like a magician, you need to look closely for any specific claims they make, and you can report them to the ASA for an false advertising.

Also if you see a psychic and you are unhappy with the service regardless of any disclaimers, you can still go to Trading Standards and report them.

So there are always ways, but the parliament way is not one of them, the law was already changed but left a gaping loophole, and there will always be loopholes because of the type of claim made, so all we can do is go after them using the law as it is and hit them where it hurts them most, in their pockets

Unknown said...

Oh definitely, that's how they get away with this garbage! Feel sorry fir all the Twitter believers who fawn over yvette and Karl after every episode!
"Oh Yvette your soooooo brave, I was so scared watching from behind a cushion" lol !

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